Bad day blues

So...YESTERDAY...I was swelling with pride over how much I got done after I got home from work. I mean, I picked up my nicely tuned up and assembled bike (as I just got it in the mail last week from shipping it from MA...not a new bikes...same bike, just didn't have it til now), got a run in, did two loads of laundry, went to the grocery store, got my laundry put away. I felt rather smug about the super focused and tons of things I got done yesterday....

But sometimes there is a certain 'balance' in life if all is going well...then some stuff needs to go bad too...and well...today I'm paying for my monday going so well after work.

Now...being a new person at work and only on my 2nd week I still have massive numbers of computer gliches...i've tried not to be too annoyed with them...but...sigh...today the system thought I was hacking it. I was just trying to take Lab training...and it thought I was hacking the system. Over. And OVER...same error...unless you kept pushing the button and well eventually it would stop being lame. But overall the servers have been...how shall we say...stupid.

And then there is that whole...signing up for benefits like health insurance. I discovered that apparently I have a husband/spouse who is listed on as a dependent...and is 207 years old. Yes...born jan 1, 1800...that was pretty funny.

Then today the internet person to help me be connected and online who showed up 'on time' at 330 but I was given the wrong appointment time of between 5-7 pm...yet when I confirmed what time my appointment was they said that my appointment was between 5-7 and claimed that the technician had come at the wrong time and my appointment was correct. Yet when i called back after NO ONE SHOWED UP, I discovered that the internet guy came at the right time he was scheduled for (they scheduled him between 3-5...but never told me this...not that I could make that time), .. and then the phone person went to the wrong house and therefore never showed up at MY house...and when I called and talked to the people on the phone...sigh...there was nothing they could do about the glich as by the time it was all said and done...it was after hours. Now I get to wait for them at 7AM on a saturday. WOOHOO.

Oh...and i'm trying to put together a desk and one of the parts of the desk got machined incorrectly and I can't put it together. nice

craziness.

On training notes: Sunday I'm running a 1/2 marathon up in Long Beach...and after being sick for a week right when I was supposed to be peaking my running...and then doing all that I have been able to do in the last week or so...which has been reasonable recently, just not steller, I've decided that I will do what I can come Sunday. I will probably run-walk a lot of it...and if my back or hamstrings start to act up...i'm going to have to call it quits. I've considered DNS the race, but i've decided that if I don't 'race' it...and merely use it as some training with the knowledge that if things start to go poorly I will call it a day.

Life can be a bit bizarre and out of control at times. I'm trying to learn how to just roll with it. Some days that is easier than others.

busy busy

Things are well...busy and crazy and I can't really catch up with much of anything at the moment. Next week I will have actual internet in my apt, so then I can hang out and finally catch up on all blogs and maybe even leave a few comments on older posts....until then, it'll be sporadic.

I have a 1/2 marathon in a week and a half. I had done some great training while in Asia, got my running up and around 100mins...no idea how far (i'm guessing due to my currently slower speeds and the amount of hills...that was 9 some odd miles). And then I got an un-fun stomach bug. I'm over the bug now, and have been able to run this week....sigh..whatever...it is what it is.

I am now in day 3 of the new job. I am enjoying it...meeting new people, learning about what I will actually do. It's pretty cool so far.

All in all the move has gone well...still need a lot of furniture, but with time, with time.

Hopefully will be able to check out some tri club stuff here soon, i've been too crazy, busy and tired lately, that's how life goes sometimes.

Fun times.

not off the face of the earth...just close

I haven't fallen off the face of the earth...just come close. The last 3 weeks have been hectic. A bit of a synapse

I moved from MA to Cali...
and then spent a few days in Cali...
Found an apartment in the few days I had to look at apartments...sweet
Went to Asia for two weeks to visit my sister...very cool.
Got some great running in while overseas. Starting to regain my faith in my running.
Got sick...boo.
Got back to Cali a few days ago and have raced around the past few days trying to furnish my apt, coordinate with the movers, and get all necessary things before work starts next week...but I doubt i will get everything done that needs to be done by monday...but most will be done.

all in all...going pretty well.
hopefully my bike will show up here soon.

Very soon, i will catch up on the billions of posts i missed over the past few weeks.

have fun and train hard.

How did this happen?

It is Friday. How did we get here? Actually right now it is Saturday...again...what? Time does not sit still and wait for you...it keeps going whether you acknowledge the forward motion or hold the rails for dear life trying to get things to slow down. What I don't understand is how exactly after five rather slow years at times, that the past week flew by with out me as much noticing it...not good, not good. Somehow today happened...movers showed up, car was packed up...my life currently fits in two suitcases (barely). And now...

I'm in limbo.

I've moved, but not moved, I am going on vacation and have no real 'space' yet to call a new home...and its great. Actually freeing to just not be attached to any space for a little while. Soon i will want to have more of a grounding, but sometimes it's good to uproot and wander a bit before coming back to the nest.

Only bad thing is my training for my half marathon in Oct has been..how shall we say...ugly. I don't like it. But...whatever, it's more to hang with some family/friends and do whatever. It'll happen. I can't worry about the fact that it isn't what I wanted in my training...too much chaos in my life at the moment to worry about that. It is what it is...and that's that.

Ohhhhh...and TOMORROW will be a bizarre going away/graduation party. As i've said before, a triathlon of sorts will ensue. Details later.

It. Is. OVER!!

And the verdict is....I PASSED...and am done!! Woohoo.

The actual defense went fine. Hardly any insane people to ask inane questions were there, so it actually wasn't as horrid as I imagined.

Whew...i need a LOT of sleep now...5 years is a lot of time to make up for ;-)

Funny people

People are bizarre. According to one of the most...ahem...goofy ones I know...apparently I am "Quirky, with a strong personality". Yes, i am a bit quirky...but apparently a "Get-it-done" sort of personality translates into a "strong personality"...whatever that means...

I'm still alive. I defend on Thursday and have oscillated between doing "OK" and wanting to puke all week. I attempted to run today and ran two miles...turned around and walked back home two miles. Could not put together the mental whathaveyou to run. Weird. Running is stressing me out on top of being way stressed out...therefore...not working for me. This weirdness better stop after Thursday.

My housemates are planning a going away party...and one suggested the theme to be "my personal psychosis's". It might involve triathlons, aliens, singing about food, dancing about plastic, singing about plastic, sports movie themes and I'm sure other weird things. OK when you put my psychosis just out there...i can see where 'quirky' comes from. :-)

Oh...but GUESS what!!...we are going to have a 'triathlon of sorts' at the party...i'm excited.

Still happy(even with the nerves)...i like the new paradigm.

IT.IS.IN...!!!

Yes, that is right folks the drama...the pain...the insanity...of graduate school is starting to wrap up.
The book (aka the stupid dissertation) has been turned in to my committee. I have less than a week until the public 'flogging' as I like to call it...or my public 'defense'...WHATEVER. People get to publicly be mean to me...that sounds like lots of fun. But it means that i am done! (except corrections for stupid dissertation)...so that's worth something too.

I am exhausted, but can't seem to sleep. Yesterday I even made it out to Boston to a friend up who was up for a conference and stay with some other friends...it was exactly what I needed. I needed to just turn the stupid thing in...and GET OUT and be gone...and while I was barely functioning it was worth it. Over the past five years people have asked me "Do you want to...(insert fun things to do)"...and I have had to reply "yes...i want to...but I cannot (because research is eating my brain out)". Last week I had people inviting me all over the place...and no fun was had by me. So yesterday, even in my utter exhaustion...driving almost 2 hours to go hang out with friends one last time before it became a lot longer of a trip to see any of them was...divine.

I think the best part was waking up this morning...and discovering a new outlook. I woke up...happy. I've been 'happy' about things during my past 5 years, but it's been awhile since happy was an actual constant emotion to just be happy. No reason needed. I know that might sound somewhat overly dramatic, but let's just put it lightly...it hasn't been fun. But somehow...the end is very, very near.

And as the end nears, i am reminded that I had 4 triathlon training goals from last year. My number 1 goal:

1)To graduate. Preferably in Aug, but if not by Aug, then DEFINITELY by Dec.

The amazing thing is that in order to achieve this goal I now have come to realize that what was actually necessary for this goal to be achieved was a whole lotta luck in the lab....and an adviser on my side. If those two are not on an experimental scientist's side 'forgettabout it'. Fortunately, once the opportunity of a job took form in Feb...my adviser practically shoved me out the door right at the same time of experiments actually working. It was a miracle and I am thankful.

The fact I did not come close to actually accomplishing any of the other 3...only proves that I am not a multitasker (and actually...studies have shown that most people are not multiaskers even if they think they are)


Now...i think I need a nap. :-)

Tagged

I am...err...supposed to be doing something else...but i need a break :-) (Yes dissertation turn in is TOMORROW...but i'm losing my mind...so here is fun break)

Paul tagged me...so here goes

Job's I've Held:

Quizno's amazing sign holder
Dorky Scientist I: (cardio toxicity of chemotherapeutic drugs)
Supah Doopah inventor of fly fishing accessories
Clerk for a mortgage company
Dorky Scientist II: (research into how to make cardboard boxes more recyclable)
Crazy Grad Student
Instigator of Science insanity with K-12 kids

Movies I can Watch Over & Over:

X-Men...all of them
Miracle
Sweet Home Alabama
The Wedding Singer
Rudy
The Bourne Identity

Guilty Pleasures:

Chocolate (Dark)
Coffee
Ice Cream
Did I say Chocolate?


Places I Have Lived:

Idaho
Washington
England
New Zealand
Massachusetts
And Soon...California (less than 3 weeks!)

Shows I Enjoy:

X-files
Grey's Anatomy
Discovery Channel

Vacation Spots:
(is this favorite places i've been?)
Thailand
Czech Republic
Ireland
Mountains of Idaho...or any part of the Rockies
New Zealand

Favorite Foods:

Sushi
Pad Thai
Vientamese

Websites I Visit Daily:

Bloglines.com
gmail
news


Body Parts I have Injured:

Knee and ankle (ultimate frisbee accident)

IT bands issues

Awards I've Won:

hmmm...scholarships for violin, academics...

Nicknames I've Been Called:

other than my name shortened? none

ohhh, i'm supposed to tag a buncha people...but i'm too tired to think :-) (Motto of the week: Sleep is for sissies)

So i'll tag just one: Nistrik

Just when you thought...

Just when you thought...people couldn't get ruder, more insane or well...more delusional...they prove you wrong.

I tend to believe in the best in people...I never thought that trait could be such a detriment ...and then I came to graduate school...

Thursday is dissertation turn in!

And 10 days til defense.

totally in a cold sweat now

essential

What I like about having a goal and training for it is that a workout on a schedule goes from something that I should do...or I need to get done...to something that is essential. It becomes a non-negotiable. I know what needs to be done in order to achieve a goal. I understand there is no 'cramming' when it comes to endurance sports. And then my training becomes something that must be done in order to achieve what I want to do and in a way becomes ingrained into me...and must become a part of my comings and goings because I think about it a lot and schedule it and dream about it. And then the training starts to become essential to me. Unfortunately it is too easy to be sidelined from these things and somehow I lose how essential it is to me...and I easily forget how much a part of me it is.

Got in some more runs this week, they weren't supposed to be anything spectacular...main focus is my endurance baseline on those ones. But they were good.

Few things I've noticed is that whenever I start a training program that first week...my goodness EVERY freaking bit of me that has ever had an injury thinks that it has some say in what I do. Sheesh. Stretching and evaluating has ensued...but i also know this always happens the first week of training. It'll pass.

keep on keeping on

tempo run of sorts

So i've sorted out my 1/2 mary schedule for my Oct race and have put together a marathon training schedule of sorts for a Jan marathon.

I had planned to have a 4 mile tempo run today with a mile warm up and a mile cool down. Well massive side stitch at mile 4 along with insane humidity sorta hampered the training...but it's early in the training cycle...and i've got tons of time to get stronger.

So the stats(although I erased them off the watch...so from memory):

Mile time Avg Hr
1 11:11 145
2 9:18 165
3 9:18 170
4 11:xx 153
5 9:48 170
6 cool down...run...walk...couldn't get my heart rate down as it was so humid out.


What's cool is that in a few weeks time...i am certain I will see improvement with consistency. I was being a little hard on myself today because I didn't finish all 4 miles the way I had wanted to at LT...but then I realized...it doesn't really matter. I split two evenly...and have room for improvement on the other two. Big deal. Training is cool in that if you apply consistency to your program you WILL improve. My goal over the next few weeks is to be able to do all 4 parts of the tempo part...evenly...and then work towards negatively splitting the last two...someday. That day doesn't have to be soon its just what I hope strive towards: To be stronger as I finish a run and not fade at the end. That comes with consistency...that comes with practice and repetition.

As my (very Italian) violin teacher in college said in a heavy accent: repetition, repetition, repetition.

It will happen with consistency and repetition. I know it will.

and a runn'n

So curiosity got the better of me today. My training has been 'meeh' this summer with attention diverted elsewhere, and so i haven't been really that clued into my running. I'd been noticing my running was alright. I've been pretty chill about paces this summer, it's not my focus. Recently I've been seeing my long runs (of 6 miles) times drop between the 10-11 mpm pace. So I was curious how my cardio was holding and what I can just 'see' from how the 'engine' (aka...base endurance) is doing compared to the actual speed as speed will increase as endurance gets better (to a point) and then speed work needs to come into play. There is an interplay between endurance base and pushing the speed work.

I digress...anywho...basically the goal: 6 mile run, first mile warm up, next mile 150bpm, next mile 155 bpm, next mile 160bpm, next mile 165 bpm, next mile as fast as can I felt like dealing with...and a cool down.

It broke down like this
mile avg HR time
1 147 11:53
2 154 11:07
3 160 10:28
4 165 10:05
5 176 8:36
6 was more of a walk-run-walk for 13:50


I think this a great place to start from as I prep for a fall 1/2 marathon...and a winter marathon. I'm rather pleased considering everything that's going on.

And...i should add...it was WICKED hot...90 degrees...lots of humidity...shoulda run in the morning.

Got some choices...

So...i'm sorting out my choices for running and all that good stuff.

I do know this: in October I will be running the Long Beach 1/2 marathon

But as far as a marathon...the choices the choices. Thanks for all of you weighing in on the marathon debate...all comments even the cheeky ones are welcome (maybe ;-) )

I think i've tentatively decided on a winter marathon.
Anyway...here are the possibilities. Please feel free to weigh in if you have done any of them, or are familiar with any of them.

OC Marathon 01/06/08

Redding Marathon 1/13/08

PF Chang's Rock n Roll Arizona 1/13/08

Habitat for Humanity Diamond Valley Lake Challenge 1/19/08

Carlsbad Marathon 1/20/08

Surf City Marathon 2/3/08

LA Marathon 3/2/08 But...as No wetsuit girl pointed out in my earlier post this may be not advised by the surgeon general's warning...and it looks like you run right though a concrete jungle...not really my choice.

In the process of putting together a schedule for a race in roughly 24 weeks...

The debate within…

Lately I’ve been reminded that as far as an being an athlete…I am a triathlete. Not a swimmer or a cyclist or a runner…although I do have some tendencies to have a running ‘problem’ at times. But rather, I’d prefer to focus on doing multi-sport stuff with the end goal of a tri than be focused solely all the time on one sport and ‘cross train’ with other sports. I forget this sometimes…let me try to explain. If I’m debating about non tri races during triathlon season I have to stop and think really hard about it. I was contemplating running a marathon next june as there will be one basically in my back yard after I move. But the more I thought about doing that marathon…the more I started to be annoyed that it might screw with my tri season since it is at the beginning of June. The build...the taper...the recovery.

Granted the tri season in S. Cali is longer than up here in Massachusetts, but I didn’t really want my training focus during all those good daylight savings hours focused on an A race that wasn’t a triathlon AND it was during tri season. So I’m starting to contemplate a marathon that is in 6 months from now…the one I’m debating would be 3 months after my ½ marathon in October…

The whole debate makes me laugh because I know people give me funny looks when I say i'm thinking about doing a marathon...much less me saying that the reason I wouldn't do a specific one didn't have to do with it being a marathon...but that it interfered with my tri season next year. I think i'm just looking forward to having an actual tri season next year, THAT's what i'm looking forward to.

On other notes...sadly boredom of the dissertation has set in. I tend to get bored after awhile when I'm writing. I have my main things said...now i don't want to go back and re-write every little thing. It makes me want to SCREAM. Whew...that's out now. We can now move on.

And...another tri

WoooHooo...i got a SECOND tri in for the season. Wow...i may still be a triathlete :-) A rather late in the game decision on my part (as in wedensday), but i decided that since I had finished a sprint two weeks ago and have gotten my running times up to at least an hour these days...I knew i wouldn't be scraped off the pavement at the end of the day, so I was in.

But what is a race without a little drama for me? I am not certain if I am capable of NOT having drama the day before a race. Last tri...it was a double flat tire issue...Hartford in the fall...it was drama in general. I have come to accept that bad pre-race issues can yield good race day karma...at least that is what I tell myself. That's how it rolls sometimes...This time the drama involved climbing through a window and falling in/on the window ledge and BRUISING the crap out of my legs is part of my pre-race drama, oh and being locked out...HEY, that's how it goes, right? At least I have some fun looking injuries on my legs. Yeish.

So fortunately this race was MUCH closer than two weeks ago, there fore it did not necessitate a 4am wake up and amazingly I get into bed so early that I almost get 7 hours of sleep. What is going on with me? Stranger things have happened, but lately things are a bit odd. Although I am greeted this morning with an UNHAPPY stomach that makes me start to question this whole endeavor (as I can barely get 200 calories in without feeling like i'm going to retch) I attempt to convince myself on the way to the race that I can eat more...um...notsomuch. Anyway, by the time I get to the race site, I'm feeling a little better.

Find my way to the race and apparently this one is advertised as a 'diamond in the rough' as it is it's first year. If they had said nothing about it being it's first year, one would never have known. It was tightly organized, the transition area was awesomely set up. Tons of room. It was great.

I get set up and saw JB the smaller and JB the taller who are doing the Oly and D who is also doing the sprint and meet up with them prior to the race chat a bit. We discover in the pre-race meeting that the OLY bike is now the same distance as the sprint. They 'claim' that both are 15 miles...but it didn't seem so much like that. JB the smaller thinks it was 13.5...me...uh...well...i think I finally realized my bike wasn't zeroed out until about mile 1...so i have no idea. But I can tell you one thing...the fact that I have NOT been biking, much less riding hills... showed.

The swim was fine, 0.5 mile, although at one point I realized I was having trouble breathing and reasoned that I could either take bigger breathes or slow down that might help. Got my breathing under control. Time 17:02...about the same as the last sprint two weeks ago.


The bike, it was an out and back course. The out...up, up, up...the back...a lot of down...but still amazingly some uphill too. Sadly due to the lack of time in the saddle and the fact I haven't been climbing much, my avg speed came in around 15.1mph. Meeh...not great, but whatever. I enjoyed it.

The run...came and went. There were no mile markers, just the turn around for the sprint's 3.1 miles...so I clicked my watch at the turn around 14:26, I thought I wanted to negatively split the run, but I think I lost track of my brain on the run too. Second split came in slower, 14:32.

Total time by my watch 1:43:xx...although I forgot to hit stop after I crossed the finish line so that may account also for the non-negative split on the second half.

Overall, enjoyable day spent with friends and meeting a few new faces too. Glad I was talked into the whole fiasco even after I convinced myself that there was a 10% grade on a hill...(notsomuch...but hey, it would have made a great story right?...nah...good stories are over rated)...

So at least I get to sport some insane bruises...too bad they are from my window sill and not from something more 'exciting' like a tri. But i wouldn't be me...if it had happened anyway else.

Angry Rain

I love this word:
whinge

intr.v. whinged, whing·ing, whing·es Chiefly British

To complain or protest, especially in an annoying or persistent manner.

Americans don't use this word very much, (as it is chiefly british...see above)...but those that speak English and not American (as i've been corrected on many a time when I lived abroad...I speak 'American' or as some English speakers used to 'take the micky' and just say that i spoke 'Mer-y-CAN') Anyway, the american term that many use is whine. Yet whining is actually a little different than whinging, but anyway...that's not the point. The point is this morning I WAS WHINGING and I was annoyed with it.

Ever get that way? Where your own whinging is so annoying to you that you can't stand it? Maybe i'm the only one who ever whinges and admits it...but anyway...it was what it was.

The lightening and thunder woke me up along with the water pouring into my window because it was raining so hard and the gutters stopped working properly on the roof. Nice. I thought 'This is good...i can get a lot of work done today and tomorrow is my tri! Great...awesome". I get up, fix some breakfast and then the whinging begins. It was a weird battle this morning as it raged on (and I apologize to anyone who got in the middle of my whinging and ranting) because it became surreal at one point and I finally realized I was angry at the rain. At the rain??

I generally have two conversations with myself going on at any given time...no...those voices in my head are not talking back...no split personality (i don't think :-) ) Just the general back and forth a person goes through between the innerself and the ...hmmm i'll call it the rational/logical self.

But at one point...I had to have it out...all I could think to myself was "You are mad at the rain?? You have no control over that...and you are mad at the rain. Nice one there" And sometimes I have to talk myself through the stupidity of what is going on inside my head. Here's the conversation:

Innerself (IS): rain...bla...bla...
Logical self (LS): What is your problem??
IS: the stupid rain
LS: Stupid rain? What are you going to melt? You've done a duathlon in the pouring rain in April in Massachusetts, freezing your tights off where you thought you were going to be swept away by the flooding water and at one point were more worried that you would see Noah and his Ark floating down the road as you tried to ride your bike up it.
IS: (more whinging about the rain)
LS: And You did your first 1/2 marathon in situations that would have more been like a 1/2 marathon swim than an actual run. You've done triathlons in the rain to the point where you were afraid that your breaks wouldn't work properly and you are going to cry a river over some rain? Gimme a break. Really....what is your problem?


And then...breakthrough I suddenly figured out what in life was bothering me, yet I was taking it out on stupid things...I wasn't angry at the rain...I was frustrated with what was happening with my dissertation and my lack of an adviser who spends all of his time with students who aren't even going to graduate soon...and ignores those of us who are gunning for the door in the next 4 weeks. He just says "Let's meet later" and then...oh...notimeforyou. But my favorite thing is that he refuses to make an appointment to see me. "oh no...I will find you later"....sure...right...liar. I swear, I think i would have to light my thesis on fire and put it on his desk to get his attention. Ah...the joy. Only 19 days til I have to turn it in. "This too shall pass."

Sigh

Well tomorrow...another tri...and this time instead of just feeling mildly under prepared, i feel...REALLY under prepared. The hills look, um...how shall I say...scary (i pushed the 'register' button before I realized how big they were...although i'm still not sure if that would have stopped me.)...and I have been biking on not a single hill...so that just means...more FUN for me. actually...no sarcasm....it really does mean that...it's all about the experience....it's about being there, enjoying the day, seeing friends, and experiencing it. I have no expectations except to experience it all, stroke for stroke, pedal for pedal, stride for stride.

Fingers crossed that there won't be lightening.

See ya on the flip side.

To tri...

((OK I have a disclaimer before you read this post.
1) If you love Shakespear and cannot bear the thought
of someone using one of his soliloquy and modifying it...
well  don't read on (and you should sue all those english
teachers who make students re-do
one in proper iambic pentameter too :-))
2) To dissert in proper definition means:
to speak or write at length...which is sorta what I mean.
Mainly I mean the whole process of crafting of a disseration...
so yes, i did sorta make up the word...but...anyway...)
3) I did actually attempt to try to keep
the iambic pentameter...hence the weird changes to words.
4) Why did I do this? um...i'm finding that in order
feed the 'creative' juices for my other analytical writing, i'm finding
I need to do creative things and other things...and well...i'm a dork. :-))



To tri, or not to tri: that is the question:
Whether 'tis nobler to dissert and endure
The slings and arrows of graduate school,
Or to take arms against a sea of swimmers,
And thus be swum over? To swim: to bike;
To run; and to tri is not to dissert
The heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks
That being passed is heir to, 'tis better
To commit to finish. To swim, to bike;
To tri: perchance to dream: ay, there's the rub;
For in any tri what dreams may be born
When we have shuffled off this mortal fear,
Must give us pause: and a respect to tri.
This makes one see we are so short of time.
To miss the chance to spend with friends and race,
Or to stare at a screen and to dissert,
While fully knowing the pangs of missed chance,
Or endure the mock of conscience instead
That one would endure by choosing to tri,
When she herself knows which the wiser choice,
Being faced with the truth of a lost day,
And rather to push-on and sweat and tri,
But that the dread of lost chance wins against
The bearing of great angst of not dissert’g.
Know’g no one returns unchanged from a race,
Rather it makes us bear those ills we have
With others, as we see life must be lived
And not let conscience make cowards of us;
And thus the native hue of resolution
Is marred by a small pale thought to dissert,
The enterprising company of words
That shall be chapters that few will e’er read,
And lose the name of action. - Soft you tri!
The fair race! Oi, it seems there is one choice
But to dissert like mad until the tri.

So...I am in...i have signed up...and
I am doing another tri this weekend! Yea.

why is blogger being a pain??

And dance...

"Dance like no one is watching"...

Slightly cliche...but here's why you should...you just might make someone's day.

I had a 'ho-hum' sort of day...nothing too exciting. A lot of boring reading...what's new. I went to the grocery store to pick up some dinner and there is this 70+ year old guy, driving his car...ROCKING out to POLKA music...he was singing and dancing (as much as a person can when they are driving a car)...and now...I can't wipe the smile off my face. It made my day, if not my week. Not because of what he 'looked' like while flailing about in his car (although it was humorous), but because he did it with such wild abandon.

It made me think about how little in my life I do with wild abandon. Just to do whatever, and not think about how I look or what others will say, or really care about whatever they think...so rarely will I just do something with everything I have and not care what other people think...I know that many times when I think about doing something with wild abandon, i begin to fear that others might judge me for my crazy behavior, yet many times it actually encourages others to try something new.

but in reality, most of my behavior is a bit erratic and crazy...so WHY do i even care anyway?

so strange

What *was* I thinking?

"What was I thinking?" Coursed through my brain at 4AM Sat morning when the alarm went off. After the discovery of a flat tire as I was loading my bike on the bike rack on Friday night and two tire changes later ( worthy of pit crew status of course...OK...totally lying on that one.) due to one of my spares ALSO having a hole in it, I got to bed rather late on Friday. Sat morning's rudely early start got me doubting this whole triathlon thing in general. Really...'what was i thinking??'

OK i will admit it...this thought generally goes through my head at least once on race day. But generally it is reserved for the time right after I have gotten off my bike and I am attempting to run on Jell-o legs and I just feel the burn of the previous discipline course through my quads. So I figured, hey...let's get that comment out of the way early on...and early it was.

And yet another confession if you are already unaware of ...i am not a morning person. I want to be a morning person. But I am not one. Even if I had more than 4.5 hour of sleep on Friday night...hey even if I got 8 hours of sleep on Friday night, Sat's 4am wake up call would have still left me in a delirious stupor. It has to do with the time of day...not the amount of sleep I get.

It was my friend PH's first tri...and our friend KB wanted to come along and cheer us on. While having a cheering section is ALWAYS great...i couldn't help thinking "you want to get up at WHAT time to come WITH us...and stand around and cheer"? Obviously...an awesome friend. Anyway, PH showed at my house at 4:30...we loaded the gear and got on the road. The weather was PERFECT. High of 80...70 at the start, sunny...lovely...wonderful basically.

I've been so busy these days with trying to get done, that i haven't had time to contemplate the whole racing...training...ect. I knew that my endurance base was pathetic. I knew I wasn't super trained for the race...but I think the enthusiasm that PH had for the race was a lot to encourage me to give it a go and just enjoy. Since my training has been less than steller, i had no expectations...and that was really what I needed right now in my life. Trying to finish up before I move has held enough expectations...and recently I think what I needed was something that I enjoyed and could share with others to help put life in general into into perspective a little.

Anyway...we get to the race, set up...get geared up. No issues really. PH is in the first wave...i'm in the 4th or 5th. A lot of standing around and waiting. I realize i'm hungry at this point. It's been almost 4 hours since I ate. Although...maybe those are butterflies and not hunger pangs...:-)

Finally it's my swim start...and we are off. During the swim I make a conscious decision to just be in the race...fully...what ever I am doing. I tend to always think about "what's next" in a race...and hey let's be honest...how often do we just be in whatever activity we are doing in life. So I decided to be fully aware of the day...and just enjoy. Breathe, stroke, breathe, stroke. And finally...i saw the beach. It was actually a really good swim for me as far as my rhythm and sighting and not dropping my hips when I sighted...total time 17:00 for 1/2 a mile . The swim confirmed my LOVE of my new swim goggles.

T1 I managed not to hang out in too long...less than 2 mins. Nice.

The bike was a very undulating course...never really a time without a hill. It was an alright course...some areas a bit rough...I was please to see a final avg speed on my computer of 16.6mph. That's about where I finished up last season in my avg speeds...so to see that in a race that I haven't been in the saddle all that much for...is great...encourages me for when I have more time to devote to training.

T2...quick again.

The run.."i thought there were more aid stations" went through my head half way through mile 1 since there was one supposed to be at the 0.5 mile mark. Oh well..i'll live. The first half was up hill. My watch said...9:20 for the first mile, 10:30 for the second mile...and then 7:45 for the next mile and 4 something for the final .2 miles...looking at those time...mile markers MUST have been misplaced. Granted the 7:45 was on a down hill...but, honestly...no...my effort was not a sub 8mpm...fun to entertain, but more likely a misplaced mile marker. Over all pace from my final time looks like it was 9:40 something...

Final time 1:40: something.

I was pleased. I had no expectations except to have fun...and I did...sure it was definitely not my potential...but neither has my training these days. I wanted my friend PH to have lots of fun...and he did. His comment afterwards was "that was AWESOME"... that was the best part. My friend KB had a great time cheering.

The best part was just to savor the day...savor each discipline as it passed...I got to share a part of my life with good friends that many in my don't get to...and then to watch them find so much joy in it...filled me with joy.

So...what was i thinking?? I was thinking it was going to be an awesome race shared with friends...and it was.

Happy Dance

Yesterday was another milestone...and this one I cleanly rocked out of the water. No more experiments, only writing left to do. THIRTY-SEVEN days to finish writing and 45 days til Defense Day...and fifty some odd days til the movers show up and haul my sorry butt out to S.Cali...i say "Bring it"

happy dance...happy dance...happy dance.

BUT there is a much more FUN reason for a happy dance

THIS WEEKEND...Tri-fun.

It's my friend's first Tri and its the first of the season for me.

And while my endurance is, um, how shall we say...bad...and i've never been this undertrained for triathlon...i have to say, it'll still be lots of fun. It's gonna hurt. But, yea...ok...it's kewl.

I've been training reasonably for the past few weeks...I got a great brick in on Sat 15 mile bike with a 2 mile run. Mainly workouts have been fairly consistent 4-5 days a week. And i've had a lot of open water practice this season, which is good.

OH, but I bought the BEST thing EVAH...open water/tri goggles

I.HEART.THEM.

I do.

Maybe the seal goggles are old news to you...but they are amazing. You can see lots...and as long as you don't break the seal on them, they don't leak. Yet another reason for a spontaneous Happy Dance.

When I was purchasing the goggles, i'm not quite sure how I made it out of the store with only the goggles and a new race belt (again...I heart the race belt...but as much as i love it...it didn't change my life like the goggles did). The tri clothes kept calling my name...I managed to escape...somehow...i don't know how.

Yea...tri this weekend.

back and forth

Well after a week long traveling bunch of fun, i'm back to MA...with just a few short weeks til I move. What will happen in that time is too soon to tell...but there is a lot of chaos headed toward me. AND...drumroll please... i WILL actually be doing a tri this summer. Here's the really cool part...I talked a friend of mine into doing his first tri. Getting new people into this sport is always so much fun. And I have a new tri training buddy which is great too. Back to open water swimming for the summer. More on that on a later post.

Anyway...the last week was awesome even though it involved a lot of flying and a lot of driving. I flew to Seattle to meet up with a friend of mine, hang out for a day and then hit the road and drive to Montana for a good friend of our's wedding. So the night before my friend JT and I hit the road, we were discussing travel plans for the trip. I was supposed to be there by 5pm as I was going to be in part of the wedding and was suppose to be at the rehearsal at the church.

Um, yea.

The night before me, JT, her husband, and I discuss the trip....how long it'd take...bla, bla, bla. So we set up...decided on a start time between 7 and 730am as we thought that would get us there right darn close to when I needed to be there...and we could help with decorating the church.

Over half way to MT we find a nice place for lunch. I've taken a bite out of my sandwich when JT looks at me and says:
"OH CRAP"
i look puzzled
she says "timechange"
me: "hmmm??" thinking, thinking thinking....ARG! The three of us the night before had neglected the time change and now we were an hour LATE...not *just* on time to the rehearsal. ARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGG!! (but funny that the three of us could not catch it).

In the end we made it to the church...not on time...but found out what I needed to know for the wedding the next day and all was well.

The trip out was beautiful. I'm from idaho originally and have spent a good deal of my life in the Pacific Northwest, so while parts of the trip were new...it was still so familiar to me at the same time. Sigh.

The hills were beautiful...we weren't in quite the right places for the BIG mountains, but it was still The West, and breath taking. (Although Benson said that Montana had covered wagons...in my long, long drive...no covered wagons. Ahem...did I miss something? :-))

The wedding was fun over all. And not surprisingly some of my normal silliness surfaced...

On the way back we needed a stop in Coeur D'Alene and what did we just take a rest break in the middle of....but Ironman CDA. I waved at the Ironman bikers who where zooming by. I quickly cheered, but then we had to get going.

After a rediculous amount of driving and flying...I made it back. I am looking forward to the tri i'm doing mid july...and i knowing that this insane chapter in my life is coming to a close soon enough...soon enough....

less ranting...more training...

My personal ranting in my life in response to monday has subsided a little bit. Which is good...it has allowed me to get what needs to be done, well, done. This event has also encouraged more running...so Wed and Thursday I ran 6 miles each day. I liked that. But i'm now I'm in need of some yoga.

I found some weekly 5K cross country races on Monday and Thursday...3 dollar entry sort of deal that i may start doing . AND I found a place not too far away that does a sprint Tri every other week for a mere 15 dollars on Thursday nights! (although that might be a disaster considering my minimal training) I think i'm going to have to start training so I can check that out...otherwise I may not race at all til after I move to S.Cali at the rate i'm going this summer. But it seems these days that I tend to dream more about what I think *might* be possible with my time, instead of realizing...that I don't really have the time I think that I do. I can pretend...right? I find some enjoyment with just dreaming that I have the time to enjoy them, rather than dealing with reality that i don't really have that luxury...but a girl can pretend. It helps keep me happier.

But over the past few days as I've been out on my wonderful runs, i've been thinking about some of my long term (over the next few years) sorts of Tri goals. I have noticed that my thinking has changed a lot...it's a bit strange...and amazingly liberating too. That's a later post, I'm sure.

So the new perspective i'm attempting to hold is...less ranting...more training...

Lemonade...

"When Life Gives you Lemons...make some...Lemonade".

I went for a run this morning...an amazing 6 miles. Don't know what got into me. But keep your eyes here...i think you will actually see some more of that.

So while i'm out running...i was thinking of that stupid saying about making lemonade...because Life handed me some Lemons on Monday...and you know what I think...i DON'T think you should make Lemonade out of them. To me...that's a passive thing to do when crappy things happen. Instead...take those Lemons and go play baseball with them. Or THROW.THEM.BACK. I like the latter one personally. Once I gather myself in one piece...I say...PLAY BALL.

I have learned (and am learning)an extreme amount from this Lemon experience. I thought about the fact that sometimes when we achieve our goal straight out...it is a learning experience, but not always the richest. I'm not saying don't "go for it"...or give it your all...or press on... Missing the goal isn't really the only point...it's how you go AFTER the goal...and what you do that makes you ache and want the goal. But sometimes the wheels fall off. Sometimes the preparation you thought was sufficient leaves you wanting. It's in the midst of things going poorly in a situation that we have no control of the only thing that can be done is to take stock in what is important and discover a new facet of who we are. It becomes more important to realize the result is what it is and to learn that picking up the pieces has as much value (if not more), than pushing through and achieving the goal the first time. I am absolutely advocating to prepare, to toe the line, to work one's butt off, to dream, to pursue, to PRESS IN and PRESS ON...but sometimes the result is still a little bitter because it is not what we wanted. (sometimes it's more than a little bitter tasting)...but it does have value...and sometimes that lesson has more value than I give missed goals credit for.

When life hands a Lemon...it's ok to be angry for a minute...but ultimately...

PLAY BALL

rough day

i had a rough day yesterday...and if these thunderstorms would STOP...i might be able to get my run on which would help me a lot.

i need to get my run on...PUUULEESSE stop.


by the way...in case you weren't aware...people are insane...and many more than you think should be locked away.

where is the paddy wagon for those that escaped the looney bin? I know a few that really shouldn't be a part of functioning society.

VO2...what?

OK i'm cruising on the internet (read: avoiding all things important) and find a site that has a running 'pace' predictor from one's VO2Max. Hmmmm...being the ever so curious person that I am, I went and dug out the VO2 max test I had when I was a guinea pig in some poor grad student's experiment. And hey, those things are expensive and it was free for me. So sure, being a poor gradstudent myself I knew I wouldn't pay for one of those things anyway. (and being a skeptic into the whole importance of the VO2max...more on that...)

When I got to this website you can 'calculate' how fast or slow based upon your weight and a current time you have gone....bla, bla, bla. I know...not reliable...but this is the weird part about is that when I type in my 2 hour time for my half marathon, it comes up with a

VO2max of 36.5ml/kg/min...

Me...i'm thinking...um...no.

I know, I know...website calculations are phooey, but if I type in my VO2max test from two years ago (and again, i know...VO2max's shouldn't change much...whatever) which was 44.5ml/kg/min I get some OTHER very different numbers.

Apparently I'm 'supposed' to be able to run a mile in 6:28 (that hasn't happened), and my 'marathon' pace should be 8 min/miles (i wish...I wish I could run that for a 10K) and my 'slow' run time is supposed to be 9min/miles. (um...that's when I've trained like heck and have a base and let me tell you sister...i was not 'slow' running that half marathon back in Oct). Right now i'm lucky if I see a sub 10 min/mile. OK I know, i know...i have no base at the moment. But really...what the HECK is the VO2 max all about? I think it's a load of garbage at this moment because what exactly does it tell you except the amount of air you sucked down before you decided you should stop otherwise you might puke and you didn't want to puke in that little mask on your face. And to date I have not found any satisfactory answer to the mystery of the VO2 max. I'm puzzled. It's a perplexing thing...that's for sure.

So...my conclusion...VO2max predictors online...tell you...well...not much of anything. Does the VO2max tell you anything at all really? Any other takers on the subject?

So much for 'fancy' food...

I bought some prosciutto and goat cheese the other day to have a 'fancy' snack on a tortilla or crackers or something. It was my way of 'comforting' my insanity these days. I opened them a few days ago and had a yummy snack. Last night I thought "Oh i want a yummy 'fancy' snack" and pulled out he prosciutto and goat cheese. Yes it was yummy at first and then 30 minutes later I realized "Uh oh...I now had food poisoning" and the rest of the night...not fun.

From an outside observation point I was rather floored at how quickly the body can recognize something as BAD and so rapidly do something about it. It's pretty amazing if you consider it from that perspective. I've never had food poisoning occur so quickly...so I was bizarrely fascinated with the immediacy of the response. OK, a little morbid in that observation.

So...my planned 6 miles of running today was a no-go. Instead I slept, had bizarre dreams and blog-stocked various blogs. What else is there to do?

Feeling better already. Hopefully tomorrow is more productive in many ways.

updates and randomness

YEA...i ran again this morning, 3.5 miles. A runner friend of mine is now running in the mornings which helps me be more accountable about running and such. I'm contemplating a 10K next weekend solely because it would be hysterical to see my lack of training at the moment. And since I know it would be pathetic, it might be funny...at least to me. We shall see if I can be bothered to do it let's wait and see what the weather is that day.

I'm losing the capacity to speak coherent sentences lately...it's become funnier than usual. What is the saying...? "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger". I think there should be a qualifier on that one "unless...you end up in the loony bin..."Fortunately it's just the words I am speaking that are incoherent...i can still sorta write (only on specific topics...blog posts seem to be difficult for me to write also) and hey, that's what i'm doing all sorts of these days....although i still have a few (just a few tiny ones) experiments left. Weird.

Um...and the purge of the winter gear has started since I won't need much of it in Cali. During the purge I had to part with a pair of flannel pants that I loved while I was out here. Now i have no regrets about giving them to a friend of mine because of what they represent (bitterly cold winter), but they were great...and functional...and cute. Don't get me wrong, I do like winter to a degree...it was the 6 months of winter with a lack of spring in this region that killed me. But anyway, i'm digressing. Here is an ode to those pants...

Ode to a pair of pants

You were so soft and nice and warm.

Many thought the red and white flowers were quite the charm.

Your warm embrace on cold winter days,

Made me happy despite the freezing cold haze

But alas our time has come to part.

We each shall have a new start.

I would take you along for my new move.

But you would have nothing left to prove.

Your warming abilities would be a waste

As you would never leave my closet unless it was in a dressing haste

So I say good-bye and adieu

…I will miss you.

(OK, maybe i won't miss them *that* much...but hey...this fits the random category)

Amnesia Trees

New England has these interesting trees that I call “Amnesia Trees”. They are invisible but they reside outside of everyone’s home in New England. They start to bloom right around May and come into full bloom in August. I went for a nice 3.5 mile run (lookie I did run) this morning and realized that the Amnesia Trees have started blooming… Ahhhh.

Now I should explain these trees. They have this amazing ability to somehow make you forget that winter ever existed in these parts. When I walk outside, the thought that this place could be under many feet of snow and bitterly cold in winter seems absolutely inconceivable. Right now it’s only the beginning of the blooming season for the Amnesia Trees. They TRULY are in full bloom when it’s, oh, mid-August and it’s 90 degrees and 95% humidity and my house doesn’t have much in the way of Air-Conditioning and me and my housemates just sit in the coolest part of the house trying not to move. The cats get all weird-o and you find them sprawled out on the linoleum or hiding in the basement. It’s at that point of the year that I think “How in the world can winter even exist in this region?” It just doesn’t seem feasible that it could get as cold as it does.

What’s super funny about these trees is how much they make one forget. My friend JM mentioned to me yesterday that the Amnesia Trees were blooming and I said to her “Ha, ha, ha…Where did get that term?” She looked at me and laughed and said “You made it up”.

Winter is not the only thing I’m forgetting these days….sigh(giggle).

Does it work now?

Puzzled by my last post's inablity to publish comments on. Apparently it was a mystery as to why one couldn't...but i'm curious if it is enabled now. They said it was 'fixed'...guess they were right.

posting? What's that?

Hmmmm...i thought I was going to start posting a little more 'frequently' back there when I made my last post sometime back there. What i've found these days is that the way I respond to the hours of my life being sucked out of me and stress in my life squishing me is that I somehow can't respond well to anything 'other' than my focus in front of me. And really what that means is that if the question/inquiry is not about stupid work stuff...I'm lucky I can string a sentence together about it. (i'm truly serious about this one, I cannot count the number of times this week I've had to say "um, sorry, hang in there with me, i'm having trouble talking today" What is wrong with me??!!)

Anyway... here are a few conclusions I've come to over the past few weeks:

1) Don't store chocolate in your office when attempting to sort out a stressful situation...you'll just eat all of it...pretty much at once.

2) Swearing at instruments (or 'machines' as I tend to call them...) really doesn't get them to be more cooperative. They *really* have a mind of their own. I've mentioned it before...resistentialism. And yes...I really have the worst scientific luck. I've been told by many that is the case. Thank goodness that I think I coaxed all the necessary data out of the instrument before it decided to pitch a fit.

3) How is it that a person can be so excited to move and so sad to leave at the same time?

4)Life is insane...or at least mine is. Or maybe it's that I'm insane and the rest of life is not...thinking...thinking...thinking...on that one.

5) Six degrees of separation...too true.

6) When I get stressed out about moving...I look for luggage. So. weird.

7) I'm having STRANGE dreams. Stop. Fortunately they aren't centered around work...but they are just weird. Get out.

8) Not sure about this tri season. So far...no Oly in June. Sad. But...the tri season goes on longer where i'm moving...so maybe.

9)Don't think I'm going to run a marathon this fall. Instead increase my mileage to 30 miles/week over the next 10 weeks...then work on strength with hills/speed...run a half...maintain 30ish miles for the winter while working on core strength and then train for a marathon after some solid months of running and train for a spring marathon...or early summer one.

10) I'm either going to start blogging about insanely random things from now on...or there will be no word from me til I'm on the flip side, some time in Sept. Random...maybe...

11) Cats are weird. Or maybe it is the cats that occupy the space I call my home that are weird. Or refer back to number 4.

12) Life is not a TV show...reality TV needs to get over itself as well as TV shows.

13) and let's be honest...blogs are weird too. :-)

what day is it?

I can't believe it has been so long since my last post. I'm still keeping tabs on the tri-bloggy world, but I can barely breathe at the moment, so I'm hanging on for dear life in the rest of my life and waiting for this wild ride to come to a halt at the end of Aug. I wish I could post some inspiring workout or spectacular insight into training and tri life, but that is not really where my focus has been lately. Granted my number one tri-goal for this season is to graduate...that does seem to be coming a long. It's going to be a messy show of the next few months, but get-r-done is the focus. Any thing else is just icing.

As far as triathlon, i've come to a weird cross roads in it all. It's a bit weird to explain the process and the fact that even though things have come and gone and even though my training isn't really what I'd have hoped for I'm learning about myself as an athlete. I think that one day soon I will be truly able to see that athlete as an extension of myself instead of it being something I 'do'...and I know I would have lost that if I had really ground down on myself in a manner that was becoming non-productive. It's too hard to explain on a public space like a blog, but I do believe that in the end all will turn right for me and my training.

So in the meantime, I'm discovering the beauty of the bike ride and the country roads, and the slow swim strokes, and the rhythmic side to side breathing, the foot falls on the pavement and the sunshine on my face.

Enjoy every stroke, peddle and step. Each one is more of a gift than we sometimes credit it for.

Breathe in...breathe out...

it is beautiful

Schedule

Well...i thought about it. And even though my life is making me nutty at the moment and at times I fear that a focused training schedule could make me crabbier and crazier, I've thrown a bit of caution to the wind and I'm going to focus on a June Oly in 14 weeks from now. I am thinking it might be possible for me to do Ashland(even with my friend's wedding the day before)...so i've created a schedule to do Ashland Oly...and a 1/2 mary two weeks before.

Oi...

it all could push me off the deep end...or it will keep me going off the deep end. Who knows.

I find creating tri schedule for myself entirely entertaining because in truth...i have NO idea what i'm doing. I've read some books/websites and it is my 4th true season of training so I have the gist of what's going on...but still...i think i feel a little silly at times assuming I *know* what the heck I'm doing. Prior to my first true tri season 4 years ago i had never done a sport where scheduled training was part of the deal...i mean I played Ultimate competitively (somewhat) in college and soccer in high school...but nothing ever in a fashion where I had this schedule of work outs aside from showing up to practice so this whole tri thing has been a source of bumbling and entertainment.

So I took the first part of the 'intermediate' Oly schedule from www.trinewbies.com chopped chunks out of it added more running since i'll be doing a 1/2 mary two weeks before, dropped some swimming...added a brick...made it required that I do do one day of yoga a week, and IF i so choose, i can do a second day although then that means yoga on my rest day...not the end of the world. So my whole 'schedule' looks somewhat different than the beginning of the schedule. But I figure that since my longest bike will be 45miles and i'll be doing PLENTY of running...the swimming will be adequate (nothing stellar that's for sure), it'll get me through the finish line strong.

Happy daylight savings!!

Learning to fly...

Birds fall from the window ledge above mine.
Then they flap their wings at the last second.
I said birds fall from the window ledge above mine.
Then they flap their wings at the last second.
But unless I get up,
Walk across the room
And peer down below,
I won't see their last second curves
Toward a, a horizontal flight.
All these birds just falling from the ledge like stones.

Now due to a construct in my mind
That makes their falling and their flight
Symbolic of my entire existence,
It becomes important for me
To get up and see
Their last second curves toward flight.
..lyrics taken from .Mr. Mastodon Farm by Cake

Flying...someone once told me that this whole graduate school 'process' is similar to flying. People can only help you so far. You grow to a point where you start to think or believe or realize that maybe you can actually fly off that ledge. They can encourage you up to that ledge where you have to trust that you have the wings to fly.

For me right now, I feel like I have lept off the ledge and i'm in a free fall stage prior to actually flying. I've jumped and I see where i'm headed....AKKKKKKKKDOWN...and i'm flapping those wings. Somewhere along the way I believed enough that I could fly off that ledge, but right now I am not *actually* flying yet...i am in the free fall stage of the jump where my heart has sunk to the pit of my stomach, and I feel like I am going to throw up, I am flapping my little wings as hard as I can and I am starting to wonder when these 'wings' are going to actually work. When I get outside my brain for a second I can rationalize that will work at some point, but being in that free fall stage of the flight i'm having that seed of doubt and I'm starting to wonder if that was such a good idea to throw myself off that ledge back there. But the reality is it is too late to do anything else but fly.

Therefore I will learn to fly.

consistency

My goal this past week was to be consistent in my training, and I was consistent in not doing any of my training...argh. OK over exaggeration...in the last 7 days I got 4 in...but I totally missed from tuesday to thrusday. My major problem was that by Friday I was SUPER keyed up due to not having exercised the previous 3 days. Note to self: exercise DOES help with the stress levels don't forget that.

I'm at a point where I'm a borderline stress case (understatement)with all the work going on so I can graduate this summer and so I have this INTENSE desire to be at work all the time...and well that is good because I need to be there...and I"m getting lots done, but it can be not good all at the same time. Getting some training in helps immensely with my basket-caseness yet sometimes I forget that. Why is that so easy to forget? Why oh why?

Anyway I did get on the trainer on friday night. And I went for a GREAT 6 mile run today. Last week I was running 10:30 miles or so and this week many of my miles were sub 10. At the moment the focus is supposed to be base building so i'm not supposed to be worrying too much about how fast i'm going, but I still like to know :-)

I'm still trying to figure out what tri's i'm going to do this summer. I had thought I might do an oly mid june...but that is proving difficult to schedule due to a friend's wedding...so...hmmm...i donno. Still working on that.

The goal this week...get off my butt and actually go and get my swim pass...my goodness it's MARCH...and I have no swim pass which means I have not been to the pool since Dec. oops.

happy training

seasons

Four seasons in one day
Lying in the depths of your imagination
Worlds above and worlds below
The sun shines on the black clouds hanging over the domain

Even when you're feeling warm
The temperature could drop away
Like four seasons in one day...



Ah... Crowded House...it's not quite four season in one day right now in New England, in fact as I was out for a run this morning I realized that New England doesn't have four seasons...it has something like 8 or more depending on the year.

There is fall which everyone thinks is absolutely beautiful...and it is.

And then there is early winter where the snow has come down, it's not yet christmas, it's festive, snuggling in front of the fire with a hot cup of tea is quaint...it's quintessential New England.

Then there is post christmas....itsfreakingcoldmakeitstop season...that's usually from about Jan to some time in Feb. That's the season where you try to figure out how to put on more than 20 pieces of clothing all at once, look like a giant walking marshmallow person and try not to let it bother you that your boogers freeze when you go outside and it's so cold it makes you cough when you breath.

Then there is pre-mud season I have recently named "gross season". This week was the epitome of gross season. Friday the weather report called for a 'wintery mix'...aka gross wet coldness. It snowed 3 inches or so thursday night and then proceeded to pour rain on friday leaving us with a nasty slushy muck. Although the nice and quaint New Englandness of this season is the cute little maple syrup buckets attached to the maple trees. They are cute.

Soon after gross season is mud season where it has sorta stopped snowing and now it's just raining trying to get rid of the snow.

Then SUDDENLY (typically Memorial day weekend this happens) it is 'summer'. It's the nice part of summer, 75-80 degrees not too humid, making you enjoy the season and thinking how great being in NE in the summer is...and then it becomes...

Hot and gross summer...80-90 percent humidity with no air conditioning and temps in the 90s. Even hot and gross summer doesn't bother me that much...but people sure like to talk about it a lot.

So...i'd say that in a typical year there are 7-8 seasons...there can sometimes be some more seasons mixed in there. Like this year we had 'pretending not to be winter' season where there was no snow and not very cold.

But hey that's how it goes I guess. I am trying to be all giddy about these seasons right now as soon there will be less of them...maybe when my socks stop getting wet I'll be happy with all the seasons...

that IS a light at the end of the tunnel

It truly is a light at the end of the tunnel...and not a train coming towards me. :-) SO...things are going pretty well. 40 minutes on the trainer this morning. Whoohoo.

AND the big news about the job thing...i was re-reading my posts and realized I should update. A week ago, I was offered both positions I was interviewing for and on Friday I accepted one of them! So weird to take a job that you won't start for 7 months...but now I don't have to stress about finding a job AND finishing up the stupid book (aka dissertation). Now I can just focus the crazy on one thing at a time. And can we say 'motivation?'

OK at the same time this is hugely motivating and amazingly frightening. I have so many things to do to finish up and some days I feel a bit overwhelmed by it all. But the crazy thing is that every time I begin to freak out I start thinking about triathlon training. I basically have 12-14 weeks til I have to pass a milestone with my thesis committed before being given the big OK to write the book. And then another 12 weeks to write the book. First instinct...Freak_ out. But then I thought about training. Slightly dorky I know, but once I started to think in 12-14 week training chunks, it helped me to calm down.

I guess I figured that if I decided to do an Olympic distance triathlon...in 14 weeks from now (brrr...new England) I definitely could. I'm not planning an Oly in 14 or 12 weeks...that's be a silly time to do that as I'd be nuts-o with the milestone and freakishly cold water in New England, but you get my point. (maybe)...my point being that even though it doesn't sound like a lot of time, 12 or 14 weeks...it's lots of time to prepare for a sprint triathlon, an Olympic triathlon or other things. These are things that a few years ago the mystery of finishing these distances seemed almost out of reach, but I have recognized that by committing myself to the training and the daily-ness of it all I can succeed.

My 'training' at the moment is mountains of experiments...many which make my back hurt as I have to stand for hours on end...but I'll get there. And have a stronger back by the end of this week.

All is well...all is well.

Oh and the job location...about as far away as one can move from New England...California. Many have commented that I won't have seasons anymore...my thought: I've had my whole life with seasons...I got the point. :-P

outside running

I managed a 6 mile run today outside in the oh so nice 27 F weather. It is 'warming' up...hahaha. Oh well...it does look like this will be my last New England winter quite possibly ever...although one never knows what the future holds, so I won't say never. So I'm attempting to embrace the New England-ness of the cold and 'enjoy'...um right...sure...whatever.

but it was a great run...back to building a base

Metric

Metric...that is the answer to the mystery numbers on the bike...my 'power' meter has decided not to stay in imperial units and when ever you give it a chance (read: look the other way after you have programmed it with mph) it will blink at you show weird number reading and then go to km/h. Fun. I'd been dreaming of moving back to metric loving countries recently, maybe I'm getting prepped for it. ;-)

Road my trainer for 45mins as it was a nasty-windy-myuniversityisactuallyclosed-snowy-sort of day. I did get out of my PJs and did a lot of work on one of my graduation milestones, so today was a SUPER productive day. Loved it.

Things are looking up on many fronts. Many details to still figure out in the scheme of it all with work-life-job stuff-graduating....bla, bla, bla. But maybe one day I will find some balance.

so...much...going...on..need...to...breath...

GASP....

So today I finally unpacked my bags from my trip out West from last week. That's just about how insane things have been. The job front from the interview last week is all going in a nice and positive direction. Research is going in a nice and positive direction...what in the world is going on around here??? :-) I likey it though. Although i'm insanely busy and I get the feeling breathing will soon become optional. I actually tried making out an actual training schedule this week for the next few weeks. So far...doing OK. Not fab. But...breathing has becoming my number one focus lately. Although I am reminded that my number one tri goal this season is to graduate...so I guess I am on target :-)

on a training note....I had a weird bike trainer sesson. I have this 'fake' power meter(well that's what I call it)...From what I gather on how it calculates the Power and speed and I'm rather suspect about it it's actual values being accurate...but it gives me numbers and well...being of the science minded I like numbers most days. And if anything even if the numbers are 'fake', (as in not truely what would be going on while you are out on the road), you can at least compare the fake numbers and make some sort of comparison of how you are doing.

So...ok...i'm not super speedy when it comes to the bike. When i'm on the road my avg speed is typically 15-17mph. And in all truth the trainer comes in around that, usually a little on the lower end of things. But yesterday that was not the case. I have worked with the trainer to know enough that my speed is in the 14-17mph typically and i'm usually feeling it pretty much on the higher mph...so last night when I'm happily putting out numbers that look between 22-25mph...my thoughts...huh? I have NOT been doing much of well...much...and yet...er...is the thingy working?

Indoor tail wind?? It is a bit drafty in the old house i live :-)

Either way....lots of fun...i can deal with the new digits.

Chaos

Well the first week of my 'get back into training/tri' schedule did work, but the second week...not so much....BUT it wasn't due to the original issues that were plaguing me...it was due to a lot of Chaos that in-sued due to a sudden job opportunities/interviews. I tried to keep some training in order and some got done...some didn't. I know 20 mins a day isn't a lot to commit, but as this was my first monster interview (being flown somewhere ect, ect with crazy prep)...what can i say...ok no excuse, but live and learn.

I am currently WAAAAAAAAAAAAY across the country. Quite possibly about as far away as I can get while still staying in the lower 48 states. And the weather is DEFINTELY not New England.

This whole thing happened wicked fast and suddenly i'm out doing the job interview thing. It has gone well...and i will know more next week. It's a bit weird to be interviewing for a job i'd start this next fal, but that's how it goes with how grad school and everything. Anywho...it was good. The interviewing process was a lot of fun actually. And things do look favorable. Who know what will come of all of it...will I get the the job offers (as there were two jobs I was interviewing for) will i not...will I take a job offer here...or some where else. Time will tell...time will tell.

So, today i'll be hiking around with some friends and be headed back to MA tomorrow. Good fun. And come monday...i think that saddle is waiting for me. :-) Bring. it. on.

good, good, good

Good stuff going on.

1) I did some yoga this morning
2) I went to a yoga class BEFORE going in for work (i've been struggling with getting my AM work outs done which is better for me generally)
3) I have been asked to do a phone interview for a job i might be well suited for.
4) The bottom still hasn't fallen out of research...good.

I was talking to a friend about the saying 'back in the saddle' and I would like to say that's where I am with my training and balance on life. But in all truth it's more like I'm in the same corral as the horse-y. I'm not quite 'back in the saddle'. But one day at a time...one day at a time.

This all has been an interesting lesson as I've realized that some times in life when things in my life have blow to pieces (as they have in my life over the past few months) and my training has basically gone down the tubes, I've discovered that there are times when it is easy to just JUMP back into the mix of it all and into the ol' training routine. But at other times (like this experience for myself) I've learned that I just have to dust myself off and give myself some time to get back to the actual 'saddle' (i.e. my regular schedule)... Recently, I've been learning how to get back into a schedule piece by piece. I've had to learn how not to get uber frustrated with myself when I just don't have the energy to dedicate to focusing on jumping into the mix of training with my life/research making me crazy at the moment. It is possible to get back into the swing of my training little by little, and that has been a valuable lesson. I will get there. I know it. It may take some time, but hey that's OK. Sometimes the person in my life I am the hardest on is myself. I am learning how to give myself space when that is really what I need while working towards getting back into it all. In time...it will happen...i know it.

going positively

Amazing...really...really...amazing...things are going positively. I won't say things are going 'well' as we aren't there yet and have a long time to get to 'well' but things have taking a nice up swing.

1) I rode my trainer for 25 mins today even when I really...really...REALLY wanted not to as I got home at 930pm and hadn't had dinner yet. But i persevered. And i'm happier with those extra endorphins in me.

2) Today I expanded some of my experiments from Friday and guess what...i have this amazingly sharp curve that is SOOOOOOOOO reproducible I almost fell over. (no idea what it means yet...that's a ways to go...but i'll take reproducible curves with small error bars please, hence why things are just positive...cautiously so...ok i'm gun shy and I can't say things are going awesome when I fear it will all come crashing down the minute I think that...soooo I'll just say things are going positively.)

Keep crossing those fingers, toes, arms and legs. This girl might *actually* graduate WITH the project she started with. It was discussed last week bagging my project...(that's a horror movie for a 5th year graduate student or beyond...To TOTALLY scrap what you have been doing for 4 years...even when you are crazy and frustrated that it won't work, the thought seems like a freak show...but it doesn't look like it will come to that) .

Sweet...4 out of 5 days of exercise and lab actually not trying to kill me. Pinch me quick.

success

I managed 20 mins on the trainer today...yea...3 out of 4 days.

i'll cheer every chance I get :-)

Now tomorrow...plan is to try out the ol' morning work out at the gym.

bit by bit

So...unfortunately my big 'declaration' from thursday went bust on Friday. But Friday was a day that was uber insane and I just had to say 'OK'...it didn't happen let's move on. Due to a doctor's apt, a job prospect call during lunch and working rather late...i just had to give myself some grace and move forward. Now today...i was making EVERY excuse imaginable not to do something when it justifiable....and I over came my hurdle in the end....i succeeded in 20mins on the trainer. Tis good. I'll come around...i do know it. Life will right itself and I'll come around. Til then...

bit...by...bit

Pretty Please

They say "it's always darkest before the dawn". It's been rather dark lately in the lab. Infuriatingly so. BUT I think I see a ray of the dawn. I just made my first graph and it looks gooooooooooood. I still have to reproduce it and do a bunch of other things, but if the graph is reproducible then start singing "HERE COME'S THE SUN...dooodle doooodle....it's all right....do, do do, do do do, do, do do"

I'm holding my breath...not singing quite yet. It's a little early for that.

Fingers and toes crossed.

pieces

I am trying to pick up the pieces of my existence that have exploded catastrophically over the past 2 months. At the moment, I’m not so sure I can actually pick them up, I think I need to focus on getting up myself and then work on picking them up. This “explosion” has dramatically affected my well being in the realm of training, Hence over the past few weeks my actual workouts have been declining to a low/barely existent amount. SO…I have decided to go back to the basics and start there until I can get my head around life. For this week any thoughts of a schedule and amounts of whatever are tossed out the window. Everything else in my life is too much, I have decided that I can’t let my workouts be overwhelming too.

Here is the new plan that friend suggested: Just. Twenty. Minutes. That’s it…twenty minutes of: running, spinning, swimming, or walking. I’ve been debating whether or not yoga counts (I’m leaning towards a no…but maybe *this* week it’ll be a yes and then if I am still on a twenty minute focus as of next Thursday, yoga will still need to be done, but it won’t ‘count’ towards my twenty minutes).

Here’s the plan for the next 7 days (including today) 20 minutes of something. That’s all. No pressure. If I want to do more…I’m more than welcomed to. Less is not optional. I can mix things like running and walking if I feel like it.

Today was successful: 30:33 minutes of running. I found myself at the track in the middle of my run and although I know I don’t have the base to be doing any silly track repeats I had an itching to do at least one 400 for fun.

My 1x400 1:33

Who knows if I’d ever be able to string two of those together, but I enjoy dreaming that one day I might be able to. Dreams are encouraging.

Tomorrow’s plan: AM 20 min spin. If that doesn’t work…lunch 20 min walk.

Care and feeding

The care and feeding of a graduate student:

1)Always have enough coffee, chocolate, and tissues on hand for ANY given moment. You may need to use all three...and well if that's the case, better duck for cover.

2) We all know you *mean* the best when you ask "When are you going to graduate?"...but really, the way to show that graduate student you care for them...is to stay away from that silly question. Well that is if you value your life. (And any suggestions on how to tactfully respond to that question? My gut instinct is to say something rather nasty, some how i've kept it under wraps....at least for the moment. Tears usually get people to stop asking) And in all truth this question just rubs salt in the wounds...which there are a lot of. Be sensitive.

3) Asking "What are you going to do when you are done?" or "Aren't you supposed to go to (fill in the blank) conference?" falls into the same category as number two. Back off.

4) Random cheering, encouragement and chocolate (see number 1) is always appreciated.

5) Nothing is 'intutively obvious'...trust me.

6) Just because it falls into the 'you did this during your 'freshman year lab' category does not mean the answer is/should be easy or is non-trivial. Especially when no one can explain WHY it doesn't work. Funny..ha.ha.ha...SOOO not laughing. Saying things like this are actually mean.

7) Resistentialism is alive and well. There is even some scientific proof to back it up.

Resistentialism (ri-zis-TEN-shul-iz-um) noun
The theory that inanimate objects demonstrate hostile behavior against us.

8) Endurance is not just needed for a triathlon.

9) Actually grad school is more like water torture. drip....drip....drip. Little things add up.

10) A person's brain is finite. A grad student can only cram so much inside that little brain of his or hers. Don't be too offended if important information like your birthday got discarded. In all truth all that really means that the grad student has also lost LOADS of other crucial information like: their name, their phone number, their address, what day it is, when they showered last, when they ate last, or even your name. Be nice...one day they will regain that information...we all hope at least.

stuck

Sometimes in life you just find yourself stuck. I am stuck. And it seems that all the old 'tricks' to mitigate the sticky factor have stopped working. You know...exercise, chocolate, coffee, discussion, talk, more talk, really whatever. I've lost perspective. How does one gain perspective when one has lost perspective? I was told today that this...this...personal stuck-ness has to stop.

And my IT bands hurt like no body's business. I think it is related to the stuck-ness of the situation.

I am stuck.

Here we go again

It's another year. Maybe I should reflect on the last one...and look to the next one? Hmmm...not sure if I'm able to at the moment. I've thought about the upcoming year...resolutions...lalala. But as I think about them, they really, still come down to my four goals I posted at the beginning of Dec.
1) Graduate
2) Run faster
3) Weight loss
4) Swim more

I've added another one...more 'life' around me focused.

5) De-clutter my life.

I am a clutter bug. I need to re-organize, get rid of all the paper junk in my room, and somehow wade through my office space. Arg.

2007 looks to be shaping up as an interesting year. I might just finish the big book (aka stupid dissertation) by Aug...or Dec. Run a marathon in Oct. And a myriad of other things.

Weird... it's a new year. And as I start out this new year, I have realized I have just 13 short weeks til my first A/B race...a 1/2 marathon, on April 1st. Yikes...time to get back in the groove.

Books...Books...Books

Well Spence tagged me in an interesting Book game...Anyway, you are supposed to

1. Find the nearest book.
2. Name the book & the author.
3. Turn to page 123.
4. Go to the fifth sentence on the page. Copy out the next three sentences and post to your blog.
5. Tag three more folks.

The thing I found funny about this game was there really wasn't ONE nearest book to where I am(as I sit in my bed with my laptop on my lap)...it was more like 6 nearest books as I seem to 'nest' with books. It's a habit I started in undergrad I think, I tried out that learning by osmosis thing, since I frequently fell asleep while studying with my O-chem book (who didn't) or some other book. Anyway, as I tried to pick ONE book, i found that the mixture of all six was such a funny snapshot of me which gave me a smile. These were the six books in my 'nest' at the moment.
Marathoning for Mortals by John Bingham and Jenny Hadfield
Life Together by Dietrich Bonhoeffer
The Pursuit of God by A.W. Tozer
She's such a Geek! : Women write about science technology and other nerdy stuff. Ed. Analee Newitz and Charlie Anders
The Bible NASB version
Contagion by Robin Cook

So I will pick Marathoning for Mortals as my book to pick 3 sentences from...as it deals with injury prevention and that is good for all of us.
"But through the experience, I cam to understand the value of physical therapy. After the race, I spent 2 months healing and 4 months building strength. Thanks to the help of Alex McKinna physical therapist, I walked away from the experience a better athlete and coach."


So...now I will tagg 'Zilla, Joe, and Matt

Have fun!