errr..yea...

A LOT of stuff is Long over due...particularly: one race report from Desert Tri. Here is the quick version of that one: IT.WAS.COLD...IT WAS WET...but hey I stayed upright and even got to meet a newly minted pro! Charisa and I have managed to be at 4+ events, but never have managed to actually meet. So this was a long overdue hello.

The race itself was pretty uneventful aside from the rain that started coming down when I got to t2 and never let up. My swim...was awesome. I took 13 seconds/100y off of my Malibu swim time and 18 seconds/100y off of my Vineman 70.3 pace. Those ridiculous drills all winter have paid off HUGE. The bike went ok considering i was FREEZING. Avg pace decent and I really just cared about staying upright and not getting too cold. The run...i couldn't feel my feet for the first loop which was tough and my pace showed. A bit slower than I had hoped, but reasonable for me ~8:30mpm.

Overall it was an alright race. I came into somewhat...fatigued and was happy that I did well with it. The problem...that fatigue has gone from 'somewhat fatigue' to 6 weeks later I can barely get out of bed kind of fatigue. The week after the race was horrendous and now i'm ok except post any sort of effort the next day I am peeling myself off the floor. It's not good.

And I've seen the doctor and they bled me...good news: i'm pretty darn healthy. not so good news: um...maybe lowish ferritin levels? So my doctor: we are going to refer you to a sports medicine doctor. Maybe you are over trained?

um...ok...no...i'm not over trained. And considering how much non-training I have done in the past month I am REALLY not over trained and now i don't get to see the doctor for another month. By that point I'll be as non-overtrained as possible and i'm not thinking this is going away any time soon.

really...miss optimist is at it again. Actually it might be more like 'miss realist'.

Actually miss optimist is wondering if her triathlon season is actually more likely to be over in exactly 12 days...post Super Seal.

Wildflower Long Course is off the table due to a few things...mainly though: i can't get past this fatigue.

I'm not doing Ironman (see the last post)

Here's the thing...my normal doctor doesn't know what's wrong. My nutritionist is starting to suspect I put myself on the brink of adrenal exhaustion during graduate school and the fact I do endurance activities is exacerbating an underlying issue. The problem with this suspicion is...what IS adrenal exhaustion?

Here is where mainstream medicine frustrates me. With the adrenals...you are either healthy or you have Addision's disease where the adrenals have completely stopped working. I don't have that...all my blood work looks great. But this other possibility is just so...vague and well not well studied. But that being said it was through this holistic pathway that we found out that some health concerns that have plagued me in the past 7 years are due to a simple folic acid/b12 issue. No one in mainstream medicine took the time to test me for that...which quite simply makes me pretty mad and skeptical.

But while my skeptic is fighting with this one thing I do know: i'm tired and no one can tell me why. My training in the past 5 weeks has wrecked havoc on my body after any effort and more importantly...PAST all of this triathlon stuff...i'm way more worried about the fact I can barely peel myself out of bed for work. Screw triathlon...that's a hobby. I have bigger fish to fry in this whole issue.

And this is where i almost wish I had a tangible injury. THAT at least you can go to the PT and it doesn't impact your daily life...it might make training a drag for awhile, but THIS...ohhhh..THIS is no good. No answers.

So...what does this mean? I don't know. But I took that picture above on my slow bike ride on Saturday to remind me: I'm still a lucky girl.

Or the whale watching excursion where I got to see a bajillion dolphins and share a beautiful day with a friend...I'm a lucky girl.

Or spending the afternoon shopping and hanging out with a good friend of mine I've known since elementary school and now lives in San Diego...I'm a lucky girl.

I have a lot of things that are really great in my life right now. I am a bit frustrated with my current state of training and the reality my body might be asking me to: slow down. Time will tell.

ironman...we are breaking up (for the time being)

Ironman...it is with great sadness that I have to say: we are breaking up. I know you will always be there and I will revisit this relationship in the future, but for the time being I have to tell you good-bye. Upon embarking upon this demanding relationship I knew there would be hurdles and sacrifices and when I pushed the button for IMCDA last year I embraced your demanding needs and accepted the high attention you would require. I had sequestered the time in my life necessary for you. As with many new relationships it is easy to give that time up when everything is new and shiny.

And currently I still feel like our relationship is a little 'new and shiny' but ironman...you do not play well with others it seems. You are an awfully jealous partner and can cause one's anxiety to run high when the demands of the training are high. And to be honest, I knew this going into the relationship. I accepted your needs and was willing to meet them.

But then...then...then...yes my heart did wander. I could not help it. An opportunity of a lifetime that is my dream came along...but in truth my heart did not wander...my heart was always with my dream, just laying dormant until that dream became a tangible reality. I somehow thought that since on paper it was possible to share my time between you and my dream I could do it. But alas the sleep you need, you were not getting, the attention you need you were not getting, and then there was that pesky job of mine sending me all over the place that you did not like.

sigh

So...ironman...for the time being we are breaking up...and I am sad. But I know it is the right decision. Until I can give you the time that you deserve, you can find me in cahoots with your less demanding relatives half-iron and oly. And while it is with great sadness that we are breaking up, I know you will always be there. And don't be surprised if in the future I start flirting with you again...when my time and heart are not so divided. I do not know if that will be next year or down the road. Much depends upon the opportunity with the dream and what happens this year with that.

Granted it does mean that the velodrome and I can be much closer friends. I was going to have to break up with the velodrome for 2 months...for YOU!! Don't you see the kind of sacrifice i was willing to give you??? But i know...i know...working 60+ hours a week and traveling and my heart and focus being with my dream doesn't really mix with what you need. Until that time in the future...good bye ironman.