It is what you make it...

Over the past week or so I have spent quite a lot of time visiting the hospital. One of my closest friends had surgery a week and a half ago that went from "it will be a minor operation and you will go home tomorrow" to "oh it was 9x worse than expected and in the hospital 5 days on heavy pain meds"...and even after 5 days I wondered if it was a good idea to be sending her home. She's on the mend now and is recovering at home, but I still try to see her every other day or so.

I have spent a good deal of time with her over the past 2 weeks from the hospital to home. She is one of my closest friends so it is not difficult for me to spend lots of time with her in general, but it is so hard to watch someone I care about struggle so much and be in so much pain and not be able to do anything about it. It feels so helpless.

While she was in the hospital she made the comment of "thanks for coming, not many people like to come to the hospital". Hospitals don't really bother me that much aside from the heeby-jeebies I get from thinking about MSRA resistent bacteria. Especially when the soap free hands dispensers say: not effective against c.difficile. Curious name for a difficult to get rid of bacteria. Granted I did want to go to medical school in undergrad up until I discovered a love for organic chemistry (yes i am weird). I mean I struggled in my bio classes cuz i was so bored and did my organic chemistry home work to procrastinate. I finally switched majors and decided not to be pre-med.

But I still have always been fascinated with medicine and highly respect what we even are able to do with modern medicine. I mean people can go in for SURGERY where they cut a person open, sew them back up...and then many times will get better. That is pretty amazing. No...it's not perfect. Trust me...i'm quite aware of how imperfect surgery can be. And when it isn't perfect, it is devastating. But that still doesn't take away how incredible the fact that as a society we have figured out how to operate on people at all.

I thought a lot about why people are not keen on hospitals while I was there. I do think part of it is having to watch those close to us suffer so much and feel so helpless, but hospitals also fundamentally remind us of how fragile our lives are and I think many people are uncomfortable with their mortality. But the truth of the matter is that we really aren't as in control of our lives or health as we like to pretend.

Last summer I had a weird test result that dragged into a month of different doctors and tests to chase down the possibility of cancer. The chances were small and the doctors reassured me that it was most likely 'nothing'...but most likely also isn't 100%. Fortunately nothing was amiss. Literally the day after I was given a clean bill of health, I found out my cousin had a massive tumor on his leg for which he went through 6 rounds of chemo, radiation treatment, surgery last week and finally it looks like all is well. Yet it was discovered 3 weeks before his surgery.... after all the treatment he just went through...that his wife has breast cancer. Life is so much more fragile than it seems.

Many a day I know I take for granted how healthy I am, how active I am, how blessed I am with all the activity I can do and actually get out there and DO. Last week i logged 8 or so hours of activity and my training only holds more. This is such a contrast to another friend of mine who has Lupus has to be so careful about not over-doing anything. And while quite an active person, she also has learned how she needs to slow down and not push so hard. It's not easy on her.

A few weeks ago I was having a miserable run. I was over heated, dehydrated, had a side stitch, my legs didn't want to run, and I felt like throwing up. The negative thoughts started to creep in. I wanted to quit. I literally started counting all of the things that were blessings in my life...and my perspective changed as well as the run. The run became easy.

Thank you all for the well wishes on my last whinging post. Sometimes it is easy to complain and much harder to be thankful. But the truth of the matter is: there is so much to be thankful for and much to be grateful for. It is what you make it...

It's kinda not fair

I complain in my head at times, but I actually try to keep it under wraps in daily life because I am a firm believer in trying to focus on positive thoughts, even when it is hard because it helps to pull me through times that are harder...but I can't right now. Lately I've encountered two things with training: 1) I'm hungry ALL the freakin time 2) I need more sleep, but I'm not getting it.

The food thing...its weird and annoying. I actually don't like thinking about planning food. It is the 4th discipline I know...and have actually been seeing a sports nutritionist for over the past year. I've learned to clean up my eating habits and have seen many positive results because of that, but I have also discovered I hate going to the grocery story and planning food and don't really enjoy cooking either. I can cook when I need to...but I don't enjoy it like many friends I have. One of my closest friend is a professional foodie, free lance food writer and used to be a personal chef. She invents new recipes and tests many for others too and to read what she has to say, I love the passion she has towards this topic, unfortunately I just don't get it. (and I kinda wish I did).

But the weird part lately about being hungry are all the odd cravings. (no... i'm not pregnant). My nutritionist and I had a discussion about it awhile ago. She just said: the body knows what it needs and will tell you. She encouraged me to keep a closer diary of the types of training I am doing and then when I get food cravings after I can see better what I might be lacking post-workout. I admit...since I find the food thing a little bit of a hassle anyway, i haven't done this...but i need to...and soon.

Past few days it's been salt craving. I am not much for potato chips but I had a few the other day and all I wanted to do was lick the salt off of the chips. The next day I had some pulled pork...again salty...yummy...could not stop myself from eating it if I had tried. Few weeks ago it was INTENSE carb cravings. Granted... I have a little bit of a sweet tooth, but over the past year that has been put at bay a little bit and I don't actually want candy all that much, but candy...potatoes...pasta. It actually was a little weird.

And then there is the meat craving...especially after weight lifting. Even in Nov-Dec when i was only moderately lifting the next day all I craved was protein and meat. Granted, I gained two pounds of lean body mass then too...and lost two pounds of body fat.

So the food thing, i'm not so impressed by it to be honest. I wake up hungry in the morning a lot and am finding that if I miss my mid morning snack all hell breaks lose. I even ate a half a bagel the other day when I was in a morning meeting because I was hungry. I hate bagels.

But the sleep thing...this is the unfair part that I'm sorta whinging about right now. It is 3:38AM. I am awake. And I have been since oh...midnight. Lately work has been hectic to a degree and two days a week I have 730 am conference calls. Many days i'll just get into work around 7 and then leave earlier to get whatever workout that needs to be done in. But the thing is if i'm getting to work around 7, I am getting up between 5 and 530. I should be going to bed around 9 at least. I haven't been. And I've been tired.

BUT yesterday i was excited...8 pm rolled around and i knew I could get to bed BEFORE 9pm. 845 I was IN bed and quickly fell asleep actually. Midnight rolled around...and I am WIDE awake. I tried to convince myself to fall back asleep for an hour and a half before I gave up. I've since been stalking people's blogs and drinking herbal tea in the hopes that my body and mind will quiet and I can slip back into bed.

I know the problem...i think too much. If you are one to subscribe to the 'Meyers-Briggs' personality type...it falls in line with my 'personality' description that I basically think too much. (INTP or here...but I'm not really as cold and uncaring a person as all those profiles try to make me out to be!) The sucky part is I think too much even when I am SLEEPING. Since moving to CA, I have had this brand of insomnia where I just WAKE myself up because my mind is running.

Lately work has been too stressful and I have worn that over-thinking part of my brain out so sleeping hasn't been a problem. But things have backed off, almost a little too much and now I can't shut it off. There is a sweet spot of busy-ness that I need with work and life lest I get really bored with what i'm doing and then my brain wanders. This week...my brain has been wandering a lot. This means a lot of random internet searches on whatever types of strange 'questions' that pop into my brain.

This week I did further investigation on my personality type...which I find rather ironic because it is within my personality type to actually DO that. Granted it shed a lot of light on my perspectives on training and where I was mentally limiting myself in some areas.

I also investigated aerodynamics on the bike. Specifically the physics of aerodynamics and the impact of clothing, aerobars, helmets, wheels, position and even shaved legs (no there is no advantage boys...but admittedly it is pretty hot). This is the only time I ever lament not still being in grad school. There are all these scientific journal articles that I want to read on the subject but have no access. Bummer.

And if you made it to the end of this post...wow. impressive. Crazy rants from the middle of the night :-) It's 4:30 am...i'm going to try to see if I can sleep...maybe just a little bit.

What LANGUAGE are you speaking?

yea yea...I've got an 81 gear inch because I have a fourty-eight x sixteen, but I'm thinking of getting a fiveteen so I'd have a bigger gear inch...what is that? oh yea, 86 gear inch or so...

bla...bla...bla..yea i've got a 11-23 for my rear cogs...with a 53 on the front...

Sound familiar...or not familiar or make ya think...what ARE they talking about?? This is my sixth season of doing triathlons and when people have talked bikes inevitably gears will come up. And then gibberish ensues...at least in my little brain. I used to think: what are they talking about? Why do they care so much? who really, REALLY cares? I did not think I would ever become one of them. Just 10 months ago someone mentioned their rear gearing on their bike and my reaction was: blink...blink...blink.

It made no difference to me...and I had no interest in understanding it. AND THEN....(insert scary music)...i learned to ride a track bike. And that is one HUGE topic that that gets talked talk about on the track...well because there is one...maybe two (if you have a flip flop hub) gears on your bike at any given time. Granted if you want to 'change' gears you have to take your tire off and flip it around. But this is pretty typical to see on a track bike that a rider will have two different gears in the back.

Serious track riders carry around a serious gear bag( as in full of different cogs and chain rings). It is quite impressive. And I am happy to say...i'm starting my collection! I have a 48 chain ring on the front and currently a 16 on the back...but I just got a 15 for the back. (Wasn't able to try it out tonight though sadly). So a 48x16 = 80ish gear inch. And a 48x15 = 86ish gear inch.

Gear inch? Again, I hadn't even heard that term, let alone cared to understand it until I discovered the velodrome. Here is a pretty cool explanation of gear ratios from How Stuff Works if that whole big gear little cog thing never made much sense. The animations are cool.

Gear ratios are related to 'gear inch' and it is possible to calculate how fast one can go with a specific gear inch at a specific cadence...ect. I like this site to calculate gear inch. Bigger gear inch = harder to push. But the tricky thing when on a track bike is...there is no switching a gear mid ride like on a freewheel with lots of gears. Want to go faster...spin faster...that is the only choice given. So i'm going to try a heavier gear next week...maybe I'll keep up a little better...or...maybe not...

got a talkin' to

I still hear a lot of random screaming from one of the guys in charge about me needing to 'CLOSE THE GAP'...yea, i lost the pace line a few (ok a lot...like normal) tonight. That being said...we did work on paceline technique mainly 'getting back ONTO' the paceline after taking a pull at the front. I get dropped a lot off the back of a paceline after I have pulled because I don't do this correctly. On a track it is important to GO up to the board and then when the end of the pace line comes to shoot down to the end of the pace line so that you have enough momentum to catch the pace line AND the draft as you get in. I typically will come into the end of the pace line too 'cold' and then have to waste a lot of energy trying to catch the back fo the pace line. Coming in a little too 'hot' means that you come in closer to that last rider and then slide back behind that person.

But...the 'talkin' to...i've sorta known is an 'issue' i deal with. It went a little like this: You are strong enough to hang in there...you leave TOO much of a gap in your paceline and then catch the wind. Get over your fear.

Gee...thanks...that's the advice? Get over your fear of being too close to that person in front of me: WHO HAS NO BRAKES?? NOR DO I?

Here is part of the reason I have issues with holding close to the person ahead of me: I will get the proper distance and then I swear then i'm ON the person ahead of me, and now have to slow down (which means lightening the pressure on the pedals) and then SUDDENLY a gap gathers and now I have to close it...and then I catch too close...and again...repeat. I know it takes time. And I am getting better at it...but sheesh.

Enough random talk of gearing out of me tonight.

I have a talent...

I don't know what it's 'usefulness' is...but it does create some bizarr-o situations and funny stories. Like tonight...I get a txt from Chris: Did you go to XYZ high school?

me: um...yea?

Chris: Do you know RD???

me: um...yea?!

By this point its too weird so I just call him because WHY would he be asking me if I went to my high school and KNEW this person? Apparently...RD showed up at the tri club masters swim tonight for the first time...works where i WORK...and I had no idea. I haven't seen her since I was 15. Very weird. Chris remembers from the first time that he met me that i have this 'talent'. I don't think he believed me until now. ;-)

This is where I have to point out: I am NOT from California. I have only lived in CA for a little over a year and a half. So far...just since i've lived in San Diego...I have run into my roomate from my tiny undergrad, run into another classmate from my tiny undergrad, run into a girl that I lived down the street from growing up, and THEN there are a few other randomly small connections...those are the most outstanding...but this one...I know her from high school...she works at my WORK BUT it was NOT through work that we find ourselves connected? oooooookkkkkkkkkaaaaaaaaaay

This happens a LOT to me and not just since I moved to San Diego...but it is seemingly freakishly honed in since I moved out here. Quite the talent I might say.

I do this for fun??

I was not impressed when my alarm went off at 6am this morning. CRANKY is not quite a strong enough word to express how I was feeling this morning. I really just wanted to sleep in, drink coffee and find a paper to read. Getting up so early seemed so uncivilized. I just thought: this is what I do for FUN??!! I was grateful I was meeting Katie to ride. Riding with a friend was the accountability I needed at that moment. Had I just been jumping into a group ride where I might only generically know a few people or no one actually knew i'd be there and be waiting for me...i would have ditched. I just didn't WANT to...for no good reason. My lazy roots were trying to take hold.

Training recently has been easy for me to motivate myself. I'm not saying training itself has been easy...but shuffling the time around, getting into work at a stupidly early time so I can leave early to run or get UP stupidly early so I can swim before I get to work even when I have to be at work for a 7:30 teleconference, or getting in early and staying late and then taking a long lunch to run hasn't actually taken too much convincing. But this morning...you would think I had lead boots on.

Katie and I kinda gate crashed in on another group's ride of elfin forest loop. (it wasn't quite this loop outlined) Ironically as we waited for this group...we would eventually completely lose the group.

Elfin Forest Loop

Share your bike routes @ Bikely.com

I've done this loop in various ways, and this route isn't quite the route we took...but there are many variations on the theme. Part of this route is actually what I did for my birthday bike ride back in November. I really like this loop for some reason. Doesn't matter which direction you go...lots of hills (3400 ft of climbing in 54 miles), it's beautiful and challenging to a degree.

Unfortunately I discovered that my little 'spill' at the velodrome on thursday ...seems I bruised my butt pretty good. This in effect induced weird spasm at mile 40 and my whole leg decided to tell me it did not like this biking thing. Shooting pain down my leg...but very intermittent and doesn't hurt at all off the bike.

I also discovered that while Pop Tarts have no nutritional value whatsoever...they are great mid ride when my tummy is grumbling and a gel is NOT what I want...if my stomach is wanting food it wants something solid. Pop Tarts: not hard on the stomach and surprisingly didn't just sit there...dirt cheap too compared to something like shot blocks. Shot blocks are about 1.50-2.00 per 200 calories...Pop Tarts: 60 cents for 400 calories (but I don't suggest you eat both of them...THAT would be too much food on the stomach). One pop tart did the trick...so 30 cents per 200 calories. Granted they are full of yucky things like high fructose corn syrup...but anyway...still yummy.

The ride was fun and went well. I'm glad I went and had a great day of riding.

Level 2

Track class is back and I have 'graduated' to level two...um...i made a total fool out of myself though. I may be level 'two'...but I still managed to tip myself over after pushing (or maybe NOT pushing hard enough) off the rail...yea, ego bruised and maybe my hip...but nothing hurt.

Level two really only means one thing: I took level one. Our group is tiny compared to the level one newbies...but I have secured myself as the slowest. Awww...i even got screamed at from the side lines to close the gap and get out at one point. (i came so close to closing it and i was about to get out anyway when I was told to get out ...ok...ok...i'm going.)

But still a few things happened tonight that were interesting: I hit my max HR...191...never seen that on a bike. While I was feeling a little lack luster about the evening, I looked at my garmin data only to see that I was hitting speeds i've never hit before at the track. I came close to 30mph...ok...briefly (and i'm sure I was drafting someone and hanging on for dear life)...so that is very cool. Training is about progress and even when it sometimes seems that progress isn't happening, sometimes it is more about a matter of perspective. I threw my data from tonight up against data even from a few weeks ago...I am getting faster...it just takes time.

Swimming is now full contact sport...

Apparently circle swimming has turned into a full contact sport. My lane mate tried to wrestle me to the bottom of the pool today...or at least pin me to the end of the pool as i was attempting to turn around. I usually flip turn if I am not circle swimming, but I haven't yet mastered the angled turn and I was worried I might run into one of my lane mates today if I tried. So I swam to the end, grabbed the ledge, turned around and suddenly in a mass of confusion and flailing arms I swear he pinned me to the wall.

uh...oh...sorry!

I was trying in the meantime not to A)laugh and B)not inhale massive quantities of water. Since he must have been in such a hurry I just let him go by...besides he kept smacking my feet earlier in the swim...which by the way is the most startling experience and made me want to kick my feet harder.

THEN a different lane mate decided to take my kick board. I don't typically dish out snarky comments to strangers, but I really wanted to because seriously if someone is SHARING a lane with more than 1 other person I would think that if there is a kick board by the end of the pool it is probably one of my lane mates and go and get one of my own. Nope...she just took it. Why don't you just take my flip flops while you are at it lady?

On other rambling topics...
I've been trying to help my sister out with her exercise routine to try to keep her A)going to the gym and B) not bored, so I gave her a 1300y swim workout since she said she swam about 30 minutes or so. After calling me rather ODD for the weekend of training I did in Palm Springs this last weekend, she then just about had a heart attack when I gave her the workout. But she did it all! I'm very proud of her. She then made the mistake of saying that she would do a triathlon if it consisted of riding the stationary bike, using the elliptical trainer and swimming. Um...I think I may have to cook up a fun indoor triathlon for her. She does have an ODD sister to thank for that too. Maybe I'll have another triathlete in my family soon. ;-)

Good idea?

The original plan laid out by my coach for me this weekend as I headed to Palm Springs for a training weekend was:

Friday: run 7miles after arrival
Saturday: AM bike 60 miles, run 6-8 miles and a PM 40 mile bike
Sunday: Do the Desert Triathlon either the sprint distance or the International

Kinda the point of the weekend was to push the envelope and see what happens. Everything was laid out, but I also had the option of scaling where I wanted to and not doing everything if it was too much. It was my call.

I already knew 100 total miles on the bike on Saturday was going to push the 'too' much button and I wasn't sure how I felt about that 6-8 mile brick off of a 60 mile bike this early in my season. Granted, I've never attempted this kind of volume anyway, so I really don't have a mental concept of where I 'am' on the endurance spectrum 99% of the time. I surprise myself with so much of my training these days so it is a constant process that is always unfolding.

The run on Friday was fine and on Saturday AM, I headed out with my route slip and many gels and an idea to try some shot blocks to see how I trained with them (since normally they don't mess with my stomach). It was a nice day, warmish, and the route was pretty nice...granted there was a LONG stretch in the beginning that was chalk full of false flats which just does a number on my head because it is sometimes hard to realize that the reason it seems like I am going so slowly is because I was actually ON a hill...but with false flats it doesn't seem quite like a hill. BUT with every up hill comes a downhill.

In all truth i'm not the hugest fan of descents. I know, that's weird...i could climb all day but descending sometimes is just not my thing. So finding a decent that I am a FAN of...well that is unusual...but the decent proved to be highly ranking in my book. Open, not technical, and a grade where it was steep but not something that made me wonder if I was taking my life into my hands on two wheels. In essence, my kind of hill...so it was great. In the end our ride was actually a little shy of 50 miles...not quite 60...so I decided to attempt all 6 miles I had planned out since the ride was 'shorter'.

The run was uneventful aside from my legs telling me they hated me...but I pressed on. What was the most interesting though was getting back to the house only to realize that my legs didn't just hate me they were PISSED at me. It felt like every tiny muscle fiber was on FIRE simultaneously. I was in pain and perplexed at the same time. I didn't really know what to do so I actually wondered if what was going on was that each of the tiny muscle fibers were CRAMPING...rather than one large muscle cramp. So I downed a big does of some salt tabs that I had and almost instantaneously the cramping went away.

I blame the shot blocks. I usually only use Powerbar endurance which has almost 2x the salt as the shot blocks...so even though I am trying to expand some things I can eat while exercising, i'm not sure how to address the shot block issue...especially how difficult they are to deal with since it is not reasonable to down 100 calories at a time and you have to eat them slowly. Very fussy.

Got back from all the training and ate a post recovery snack, showered and changed and then headed out to pick up our packets and find some food. Sadly (although somewhat predictably in my book...even though I ATE another granola bar to try to stave it off)I did turn into Ms. Crankypants due to low blood sugar. Oye. But we did finally find some food and then I was super ready for a huge nap....pretty much immediately following lunch, like I could have fallen asleep at the table but I do have better table manners than that so I didn't.

I bye-passed on the second bike and opted for a long nap and was sooooo happy I did that. Amazingly it didn't even affect my ability to fall asleep that night which is pretty impressive considering daylight savings. And let me just say: Day light savings SUCKS the night before a race. Race morning is early enough without losing an extra hour of sleep.

Is this really a good idea???

So today as I was setting up for my race (I had opted for the Sprint) and I started thinking about all the training i had just DONE the day before on top of this race. This race was not even a C race...maybe a D or E or anything that is: does.not.matter...kind of race. For me it was a 'just see' how I did kind of day.

What was interesting though was on the swim. I never have been too terribly freaked out by open water swimming. I grew up swimming in lakes so I think that is part of it, but I started the swim and i'm not sure if was the cold or what but my LEGS started to burn and I almost started to panic. What I find interesting about myself is in scary situations I get severely analytical. I do actually think this a huge benefit because I basically tell myself: Right NOW is a NOT OK time to freak out. You can do that later...but RIGHT NOW...keep it together.

I remember thinking: Am I going to have to call a life boat? AND then thinking in reply: Well that would be severely stupid because you might end up with a small fear of open water swimming for the season so that would just put a damper on things. Don't do that. If you NEED to just lie on your back and back stroke or float until you can regain your composure. But freaking out is really stupid right about now.

I look back on that mental conversation and sorta laugh. How I could just tell myself NOW is not the time to freak out and force myself to calm down was pretty instrumental to getting through the swim. I did finally find a rhythm and pressed on.

And over all...i was really happy with my race. It was freaking COLD and my feet lost feeling on the bike and I didn't gain it back til mile 2 of the run...but it was a good race. I learned a lot about how my body responds when it is tired, when it is cold and what factors I can tweak and others I have to work around. And one of the best surprises was to discover that even though i had just done all of this training on top of my race...I got better than 50% in my AG...which is a tough AG for women...30-35. Which for me is pretty awesome. I was just explaining the other day how GREAT I am at 50% in my AG....almost SPOT on +/- a person. I have no problem with being such a midpacker...it was more of a general observation...so to see that I almost made the top 1/3...i was pretty stoked.

Overall it was a fantastic weekend of training and meeting some new people. I learned a ton and I actually think I'm going to be able to walk tomorrow. That's a good thing.

Being heckled

Some runs dumbfound me...sometimes they are just runs that EVERY GUY feels the need to heckle me or give their input on my run. Within a block of taking off I heard one guy say: just 28 miles to go!! I even had these two middle school boys decide to take up singing a song about exercise while I ran past. I guess I should be flattered that they made up a song just for me...it did make me laugh pretty hard. And last week, when I was on the run where i thought I was broken because my heart rate kept diving through the floor, a guy who was doing road work proceeded to sing a the theme song from a sports movie (can't remember which one)as I ran up the hill....seriously??

What I find the funniest about the heckling is sometimes I can go for a 10 mile run and the only issue I have is trying to get people to get out of my way and they are none the wiser that I'm even there...and other times I can't go more than a mile without some some guy insisting on interjecting some comment...like he is the funniest person on the planet. Like I haven't heard a million times 'just keep running!' Granted it is a few steps above being cat-called.

Today's run was fantastic. Being slightly over trained over the past week I've had to dial things back a little bit and sadly have missed out on two fun training days at the velodrome. Sadness. But I'd rather address things early, not get sick or injured and still continue to enjoy my training so dialing things back didn't mean no training just easing up a bit. Granted I am always amazed at how connected the body is to the mind and what is going on mentally. To say I've been stressed out doesn't quite capture the breadth of all that's been hitting me over the past few weeks. Life comes in waves, never in just manageable bits does it? But I think I'm cresting this wave at least a little bit right now so I am pressing forward and always hoping for the best.

First bike race ever...

I did Bulldog bike race this past weekend up at Camp Pendelton and it was quite the experience I might say. I've never done a bike race before so my only reference of bike racing is something like tour de france. So when my coach
suggested this race to many of his clients my internal response was: hell no. I did not verbalize how I felt about this race and quite frankly I was having an internal drama over it mainly because I do like to challenge myself with things I won't do at first glance. So I was having a lot of back and forth on my own personal excuses of why I didn't want to do this race and why I should just shut up challenge myself and sign up for the race.

Then my roadie friend Elaine got into the mix: SIGN UP FOR BULLDOG....ugh...i was quickly running out of excuses. It was her first road race too and she had talked our friend Mark into racing also (although he's a seasoned crit racer so the whole bike racing isn't new to him). So now it went from sounding terrifying to sounding still terrifying but at least with friends. I can do terrifying much better when I have company for some reason.

I can hear it now: But you ride the track...bla...bla...bla. Yes, riding the track has gotten me much more comfortable with pace lines, and riding in close quarters with other people, but overall I'd much prefer people keep their bike and their distance from me. Seriously, the kinds of crazy people they let ride bikes in the country....sheesh.

I showed up pretty early, but still got crappy parking for some reason. Managed to check in and meet up with my friends Elaine and Mark and headed to my car when I finally connected with my coach about the race. I chatted with him and one of his other clients about the race and basically what I was told from them and other people was: the first 8 miles are a hammer fest, hang where you can, then there is a hill where the pack will fall to pieces and then try to find people to work with on the way back in. I took some mental notes and then headed back to my car to grab my trainer.

Now...i had a ton of time before my wave took off since my wave was last, and I wanted some company...so yes...I dragged my trainer 2blocks down the road so I could warm up with Elaine and Mark. I think I did it more for moral support. The guy in the car parked next to mine sorta shook his head at me...but I needed more moral support at that point I knew it would be 'worth' it to me.

Mark and Elaine had 5 rules of racing: Don't crash, hang to the front, make it hurt, have fun and win. Although it ok to be a bit of a rebel and break rule 5...but try not to break the other rules.

Elaine and I lined up AT.THE.FRONT. Ok...i knew this was the right thing to do...but i started to second guess myself too. I knew to not be the lead person, but rather find a wheel and sit on it and being at the front of the pack is a little safer in general because there isn't the crazy accordion-like action happening with people hitting their brakes like in the rest of the pack.

It's a rolling start and we take off. Once we are give the thumbs up the race is on...but weirdly...there is no 'hammerfest'. I keep waiting for it to happen, but seriously...we are totally lollygagging and really only going around 20mph which for a pack of cyclist is not that fast. The other women are chit chatting like it is a liesurely saturday ride and while I got a little annoyed and wanted us to go faster I knew I had to just go with the flow. That's a sucky thing about riding in a pack, if you don't want to pull at the very front there is little control over the speed.

We hit the hill and the pack falls apart...i totally get dropped...and sadly on the way back there is no one from my wave I can pick out to work with. Every person I came upon was a guy so they were from a wave before me and not going a speed i wanted. I thought for a moment this other woman might want to work with me on the way back, but we hit the final hill and I dropped her pretty soundly at that point. So I just had to tell myself: well...i'm a triathlete I'm used to not drafting...but it did kinda suck, I mean I actually got to draft I might as well take advantage of it...right?

Overall I surprised myself and really enjoyed the race. This is why I try to push myself to do new things, I tend to surprise myself even when things seem like I won't like them...i sometimes end up liking them....I think it is good in general to push internal boundaries and mental walls because with each wall I knock down I learn a little bit more about myself.

Next up... Big training weekend this weekend and first triathlon of the season! Should be lots of fun!

I guess i'm tired?

odds and ends...

My final TT from last week was a bike TT...I am happy to say...i improved my speed by 1mphto 19.5mph for 30mins and did it at a lower heart rate than last time in pretty darn windy conditions. Note to self: Don't do a TT when people are wind surfing in the same vicinity as you are riding your bike!

Granted all this TT from last week made my back freak-out...in a major way. I had a 7ish mile run on Sunday planned and after 5 miles...no MAS. Usually these things ease up and loosen up with some time but I was in pain the whole time and just thought: this is stupid....so I stopped.

Went to a massage therapist on Monday because my back was bothering me and I have concluded I think i'm the only person in the world who probably hates massages because they hurt so much. I hate those pictures of people looking all relaxed and happy when they are getting






(see this lady looks sooooooo relaxed. Maybe this place where this picture is from gives really good massages or something. )
a massage...for me I have to focus and relax into the pain. Then the lady tells me: you are too hard on your body you need to not be so stressed out. Yea...good luck with that one lady.



I think i'm broken...

Had a great run on Wed where I increased the pace incrementally over each mile and i really enjoyed it...granted the last few miles my right hamstring started to sorta pitch a fit and not be too happy. But i ignored it...stretched a lot when I got home...but was still feeling it today.

Had another 7ish mile run on the books today and headed out during lunch to get it done. Zone 2 and 3...nothing really special....but I kept looking at my HR...and started to wonder: am I broken or is my HRM? My HR was reading in the low 100s. Actually for awhile...I was seeing between 70-90bpm. Uh...what? Granted I wasn't going terribly fast...AND I was going down a hill, but i've run this course so many times I knew something wasn't right.

So I tested the HRM...run faster....yep HR will pick up...but then rapidly would bottom out. I wasn't going very fast mainly because of the hamstring, but the HR's I was seeing were so low you would think I was walking. My avg HR was a mere 118bpm for a pace that was only 1 minute per mile slower than I did last week...with an avg HR of 154bpm.

Verdict from my coach ...i'm not broken, but probably need to ease up a little bit...i might on the slightly over trained side. So sadly no track tonight...but as I sit here and type this...I guess I am a little tired, so I'll go to bed on the earlier side tonight...take it easy for a swim tomorrow because....

SATURDAY I AM DOING A BIKE RACE!!!!!!!!!AKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

Little mortified about that...but I think it's scarier in my head.

More pics and another great test

I just got sent a few new pics from last weekend's adventure up to the ADT track in LA. I like this pic of the track better as it gives sorta a better 'feel' of the curvature of the track.








And well...I like this picture cuz it's COOL. Yep...that IS me. I like the pic. I can at least pretend I was going really REALLY fast or something.














Running Time Trial

I was very happy with it! It's a 30minute time trial to basically see fitness/LT with it. Last time for the 30 minutes the first 15 minutes I was averaging about 8:34mpm pace...and then...well...i got a massive side stitch and the wheels fell off. The last 15minutes were divided into 5 minute increments looking like: 8:37mpm, 9:14mpm, 9:02mpm.

This time things went much better! I broke the 30minutes into 10-5-5-5-5 minutes to help me focus.
1) First 10 minutes 8:17mpm 168bpm
2)5 minutes 8:17mpm 166bpm
3)5 minutes 8:26mpm 168bpm
4)5 minutes 8:26mpm 166bpm
5)5 minutes 7:53mpm!! :-) 172bpm

Seeing progress is really fun and encouraging to know that the training is working...and I was just told that the next 3 months will be intensity work. That should improve times even more too. Fun stuff.

Retest

The fun part about having a coach is that I get to try all kinds of new fun training/workouts. I've read the books and all that and looked at some online training plans and in the past I would put a semblance of a plan together for a season, but I'm not very imaginative or really have a clue what I'm doing when I put these things together so my workouts were pretty dull and boring and really not very focused. And when it came to SWIMMING...yawn. I probably skipped more swim workouts than I actually did during a season. Of the three disciplines, i'm not the biggest fan of swimming...but not for typical reasons of many triathetes. The water doesn't freak me out. I actually love being in the water, its just...i donno...i get sorta bored. But amazingly through MUCH more imaginative training sessions provided by my coach...I've been warming up to swimming and the training involved(ohhh and I discovered fins...THOSE are FUN)...a bit at a time. (THANKS COACH!)

Another thing that shows up every so often in my training plan that I would never do these things on my own...time trialing... to see my progress. Last time I did my swim time trial it bordered on 'fiasco' in the dark. I'd never done a time trial in a pool so I didn't really know what to expect. Basically a 10 x 100y as fast as possible with minimal rest between each. What I found was that my times for 10 x 100y were between 1:46 -1:52 per 100y. What was interesting was that after this point it took me awhile to see anywhere around 1:50 in my workouts until I had a breakthough workout back in January. So I was curious what would happen for this time trial...I was pleasantly surprised.

1) 1:39
2)1:46
3) 1:48
4) 1:46
5) 1:46
6)1:42
7) 1:45
8)1:45
9)1:43
10)1:41

YEAAAAAAA!!

Last time my fastest time was 1:46 and I only hit it once...this time I was hitting round that number pretty well most of the time. Seeing progress is really encouraging. Next up...run TT tomorrow and a Bike TT on saturday...should be interesting. :-)

ADT center pics

A history of the location where the ADT center is located. The track used for the Olympics in '84 is not this track. This track was built recently and is located in the same general location as the Olympic track used then.


This is a pic of that 8yr old kid riding a 42 frame. It's hard to tell how small he is, but gives a bit of an idea of what the track looks like.



















The trusty steed hanging out waiting for a wild ride. (mine's the bianchi)














So here is a explanation of the ADT track. Keep in mind it is in the corners like this one, where the track is pretty much at its steepest...45 degrees. It is also about two stories at this point too. The SD velodrome is a mere 27 degrees and has everything except for the region called the Balustrade and the Blue Band. Balustrade actually means 'railing'. It takes a fair amount of effort to get up there and then well...stay up there without slipping off in the corners. I didn't venture up there...this time...next time maybe. Also the blue band is to 'aid' in getting onto the track and off of the track. The SD velodrome doesn't need because it such a steep track.

Here is a fun pic down the side of the railing, it's hard to get a feeling of the steepness in this picture, but my friend has a great picture apparently during a race where the cyclist basically look like they are perpendicular to the ground around this corner. It is pretty trippy and I refused to look down this corner until after I had ridden the track so I wouldn't freak myself out. I think that was wise.

Awesome adventure...looking forward to going again!

"Your fear will keep you safe..."

There are pictures of this adventure to the ADT center up in LA...but I can't find my cable for my camera at the moment so they will have to wait.

Thursday at track training here in at the SD velodrome I was hardly able to contain my excitement of today's adventure up to the LA velodrome although a few people made me start to question my sanity.

From one guy who used to train on the ADT track regularly:

It's so cool...you can actually feel the g-forces pushing you onto the track when you go around the corners.

Me in my head: g-forces...on a bike? What did I just get myself into??


From another guy who just got certified and begun racing up there:

You have to do a flying two hundred, remember you are dropping two stories down from the top down into the sprinters lane and you really FLY on your 200m.

My response:

I might throw up if i try that.

His response:

Yea, well...the wood on the track isn't sealed...uh...maybe not this time.

When we showed up the juniors were out riding and training...this kid who is 8 years old and a munchkin is flying around the track(his bike size...a 42). Apparently...he's been riding a track bike for three years....um...since he was five. Ok...so little kids can do this it can't be that bad...right? And then there was this awesome lady in my the session. It was her birthday on Friday...she had turned...seventy. Yep...5 year olds and seventy year olds can do this...i sure hope I can do this.

We got the schpeil...don't slip off the track, don't slip off the track...oh and...don't slip off the track. Gee thanks for that advice. Actually the best advice was: Your fear will keep your safe...mainly because you are so freaking scared of slipping off the track that you end up giving a super HARD effort around every turn when you approach it. (as well as just with your comfort of riding with other people around you.)

My first go at the track I came off shaking pretty hard from all the adrenaline, but as time went on I got the hang of it and didn't have to go quite FULL speed the whole time. But you do have to power through the turns pretty hard.

In a nutshell: It.was.awesome.

I only ventured above the sprinters lane up to the relief/blue line...any higher kept wigging me out...but next time...next time...maybe the blaustrade...the tippy tippy top. :-)


And the best part? We got an extra hour on the track too. I am now TUCKERED out, but I can't stop smiling. Looking forward to more adventures up there! I'll try to wrestle up my cable to upload those pics this week. Pretty trippy looking down over the side of the track and it is a steep drop...but super cool.

adventures

Track
Track training at the velodrome. This is preparation for the race season(don't get any silly ideas, i'm not racing the track this season...i'm just riding/training). We were doing all kinds of whatever for the training session, and one of them was a 6 minute hard effort, but not all out effort. I was where I needed to be...but I think for the really stupidly fast group at least in my mind it became:

how many times can we lap her in 6 minutes?

(I have no idea if that was their goal...that's just what it felt like from my perspective). Quite a few apparently. And when I look at my HR data, I was where i should have been if not a little high for what we were supposed to be doing. Here's the part that sorta cracks me up...you can go pretty fast on a track bike because of the gearing and the track geometry/surface...so I was cranking around 22-23mph, but I was getting passed like I was standing still. I'm just glad our track is 330m...and not smaller or I would have gotten passed a whole lot more.

Headed up to LA this weekend to try out the indoor track. I'll try to get some pics of the crazy adventure...and may actually post them. ;-)

Today's adventure has encompassed 1)attempting to get my bid together for the condo I'm putting an offer in on. 2)a swim workout where a 4x50 IM drill set had me almost laughing because my butterfly was so pathetic I thought I was going to drown my lane-mate and 3) Someone took my flip flops from the side of the pool.

When I saw that my flip-flops were gone and some tiny flip flops (of the same color) were left in their place I had a pretty good idea that someone just made a mistake. Granted it didn't stop me from thinking horrible thoughts. I mean...i have somewhat larger feet...i wear a size 9....these flip flops that were left were very worn and looked to be about a size 7. HOW it wasn't noticed immediately was beyond me.

I left the suspect flip flops on the pool deck...and headed into the locker room now checking every ones shoes out. And lo and behold....the woman changing next to my locker was wearing my flip flops.

Um...what does one say at that point? I finally just said: UH...i think you have my shoes. Interestingly... she had realized that she had made the mistake when she came in. I'm sorta mystified that it took so long because my feet are so much bigger than hers AND her shoes were really worn in. The part that also sorta boggled my mind...she kept wearing them even after she realized they weren't hers. I think that's weird...is that weird? Am I being weird for thinking that is weird? Granted I don't really like feet...so if I realized I had made a similar mistake I probably would have taken them off immediately. And now what do I do with the flip flops? Bleach them? Trash them? Then I'm short some good flip flops. I had *just* started wearing them in too.

Thin line

Sometimes I feel like that of ALL people, I should be able to figure MYSELF out. Nope. I am beginning to believe that OTHER people are way easier to figure out. Overall I tend to run a thin line between being SUPER busy and LOVING it...and being SUPER busy and it stressing me out so bad that fall off the side of an emotional cliff. Granted one thing I have learned over the past 6 years or so is the signs of being close to that edge...and I now have learned at least a little better how to pull myself back from the edge, even if it means that I only fall half way down the ledge. Half way is better than all the way into the abyss I think.

Unfortunately in the midst of all of this...i am attempting to add just one more very stressful thing into the mix...buying a condo. Yep...i saw one... and i'm putting a bid in on it this week. Scares me out of my mind, but i'm also super excited about it too. It's in my current neighborhood where I caught myself last week just walking around saying: I love my neighborhood. Dorky...i know...but I love where I live. I'm sure there are other great places here...but my slightly quirky neighborhood is great in my opinion.

Training is going pretty well overall. Not a whole lot to talk about of interest at the moment aside from that midweek velodrome track riding (twice a week!) is going to become a regularly scheduled plan...which I am SOOOOOOOO excited about. This winter has been predominately 'Track Sundays'...which have been lots O FUN, but real trackies are getting ready for race season so more organized stuff in the evenings is opening up. I'm pretty sure I'm going to make a mockery of myself and it will be hilarious. And a rodie friend of mine is trying (as well as my coach) to get me to ride in a 'road' race. I ALREADY eat a lot of humble pie on the bike ...but looks like it will be the main course being surved this spring.

And of course...Saturday is the LA Velodrome/ADT center. EXCITING! I'm trying not to think about it...otherwise I fear it will just freak me out all week.

HOME!!

Ahhh...i'm home...and soooooooooooo happy to be home.

First...clarification from my last post...i'm not going to be riding up at the LA Velodrome for another 2 weeks...so I have two weeks to freak myself out. Good times. And two weeks for anticipation of what it might be like.

I had to fly to TX for work on Sunday for the week...it was not a fun trip on many fronts

Flying out...

...things didn't start so well when I got to the airport and I asked the guy:

Um...i don't have a seat assignment.

He looked at me, looked at the flight and said: Yea, we are in an oversold status...oversold by ONE...and that is you. Best to check in at the gate and see if you can get on.

Here's the part that was lame about that...I had tried to get a seat assigment when I bought the ticket. I put in a request...there were seats...I BOUGHT THE SEAT 3 WEEKS AGO AND NOW YOU ARE TELLING ME I AM NOT ON THE FLIGHT?? Ok that is what I wanted to say to the guy...instead..i just sorta glared at him. I got on the flight in the end...of course a middle seat...but I got there.

The rental car...

I pick up my rental car and the radio isn't working and the radio says: Enter code....hmmm interesting. I mention this to the lady checking my car out and she offers to let me switch cars. I'm tired, cranky and want to get to my hotel so I decline. I also figure I can probably figure out how to punch in the code. So when I get to my hotel...i open the glove compartment, and lo and behold there is written: Radio Code 45934234 (whatever it was). I punch it in. The radio comes on. All is well.

I get out of my car, and double check there are no lights on (because i'm slightly paraonid with rentals) and go to bed. Come out the next morning...car won't start. Brilliant. I am supposed to be at where i'm doing my work stuff and i have a car that won't start. Call Hertz...they refer me to AAA...AAA comes out, jumps the car and then tells me that if the radio says: enter code...that's a BAD BAD THING...and CHANGE THE CAR. I tell Hertz...they then tell me to drive to the airport OR go and get it checked out. WHAT? I convince them that their job is to exchange the car...they eventually comply...but only with some minorly pointed arguments. NOT IMPRESSED.

Get to where I am going...and as time goes on we discover that what I am trying to do (i'm running experiments)...isn't really working very well. We are jerry-rigging the whole deal and I am not thrilled with the way it is turning out. I email my manager and tell him about the woes of the trip and say: the trip is going marginally.

He replies: Sounds like the trip from hell. I hope the rest of the week shapes up.

Experiments go south...
Um...unfortunately, things didn't shape up. Experimental points that were to take two days, were a bust in half a day so on Wed I end up having to re-design the stupid set of experiments...on the fly. I wasn't thrilled with it...I didn't feel like it was a great idea to just throw in the towel half way through Wed when I could at least attempt to do more experiments through Friday. Hopefully something unique and interesting will come from it.

Treadmill??
I got back to my hotel on Wed and was supposed to do some intervals on the treadmill...i really didn't want to so I sat in front of the TV for a bit and then headed down to the treadmill to do some attempt at this. Pushing buttons...treadmill won't work. Manager comes over to try to help me:

Oh yea, they were trying to fix this today. I thought it was fixed.

Me:( I just look at him...not sure what to say.)

Him: Well I can comp you a movie if you'd like?

Me:(Apparently i don't have any sort of a poker face. I must have given him some sad look of: But...I don't WANT a movie. Granted I really didn't even want to do this workout so I was secretly starting to be relieved.) Uh...that's ok.

Him: Well...i can comp you to go over to the gym across the street.

Me: (thinking: Crap now I have to do this workout)...uh sure.

Workout was done, and done quite well I might add. I was pretty pleased with it considering how tired I was and not really in the mood to be on a treadmill at that time.

The rest of the week...
The final bits of the week were pretty uneventful...THANK GOODNESS...It's really a bad thing when you want to go home on Monday and can't until Friday...but I got through it...and attempted to have as good an attitude about it as I could...but there always seemed to be just something round the corner waiting for me. But happy...HAPPY...HAPPY...to be home!

ADT center and lots of other things

Next Challenge:
My next challenge....is to stop freaking myself out about going up to the ADT center in LA to ride the track. So... it is decided...I have to stop freaking myself out because some friends and I are going up for a women's only session in a few weeks (any takers? Only 10 dollars to learn to ride the track AND ride at the ADT center... More info here.) But after reading this page...I will be honest I sorta wanted to throw up at the thought of it. Why? Here are a few comments from the page that make me go...huh?

The blue band:
Because the ADT track is so steep in the corners, riders on the blue band can be a serious hazard to riders who are going fast in the sprinters lane. Fast moving riders in the sprinters lane are tilted over so that their heads and bodies are out over the blue band, so it's possible for them to collide with a rider on the blue band, even while their wheels are a meter apart.

Balustrade:(This is at the top of the track)

The final riding position is the balustrade. Like the blue line, the balustrade has a limited formal role in racing, but is commonly used as a training zone. Generally more experienced riders will do part of their training effort at the balustrade. Be aware that the balustrade takes more effort and skill to ride safely than the lower parts of the track. Although the banking is the same, the radius in the turns is larger so the centripetal force as you go through the corner will be lower for the same speed-- you need to ride faster to avoid slipping.

And in general:
If you slide down the track your session is over for the day. Keep your speed high enough to avoid slipping off.

Slipping...sliding...it is a mind bend to get my head around it. The track I ride is something like 27 degrees...this one is 46 degrees and two stories tall! BUT I'm going to do it AND in just a few weeks. And I'm pretty stinkin excited too! (even if it kinda still makes me want to throw up...just a little bit.)

other stuff...

Lots of stuff going on with training and regular chaos of life. Went for a bike ride this weekend with a friend of mine and here is a little reminder for everyone...eat your wheaties (or really anything). Um...yea, my friend didn't eat breakfast and bonked so bad she passed out after we had stopped and were looking at our map. Not a fun way to end one's ride for the day. So I will forever ask people I ride with: Did you eat breakfast?

Should I apologize?
Ever feel like non-endurance athletes or just people who maybe just 'workout some' put you in a spot that makes you feel like you should apologize for your endurance?? (and i'm not even in the prime of my season right now!)I went skiing this week and basically skied a couple of the guys I was with into the ground...and could have gone for at least another 5 or so runs if I had wanted to. One of them said to me: just tell me your legs are a least a little tired...please? um...ok...my legs are tired?? Granted I did sorta pay for it in my own way as the next day I was swimming like a rock...but I wasn't sore...just feeling low on energy and tired.

Trying to catch up with everything hard to juggle it all at times...but doing my darndest.

Pretty close to perfect

Today was just an awesome day. Even before I got to the pool this evening, it was an awesome day. Internally I've just been hung up on a few things, struggling with others and then mix in some other stuff and I didn't really realize how much internal termoil I had induced upon myself, but I had. And today...i just somehow let it go. Someone made an offhand remark to me, I finally just relaxed a little and things in a lot of areas of my life just...clicked. It felt good. It's been the kind of day where people stopped me and asked me why I was smiling so much and I didn't have an answer for them aside from: It's Friday? When inside I was thinking...i don't know...i just can't stop smiling. But that was even before i got to the pool

Back in December I did a time trial in the pool to get an idea of what my threshold pace was...that time trial in the dark with the leaking roof? (it did make me laugh at the time). But the end result of that was that my average pace per 100y was around 1:50/100y. Nothing steller, but that was the end result. Although what I found in my swim workouts when I had workouts that said: do X amount of yardage at T-pace...i couldn't hold 1:50/100y for longer than 100y and generally not for very many 100s...like one or two in a set...so it was decided that if something said "T-pace" that I'd go off at 2:00/100y. Ok...cool...whatever...It didn't fuss me either way so that's what I did. So I get to today's workout and see 4x50's descending and then 4x300 at T-pace and then later 3x150 T-Pace...with more swimming stuck in between all of it...but that is the general gist of the workout. So I start and I come up with:
4x50s

1. 0:52
2. 0:50
3. 0:48
4. 0:46

hmmm...interesting. I'm pretty happy with those times and get into the main set of 300s. The first 300 I hold what I think should be my t-pace @ 2:00/100y. But I realize...i'm just feeling good. And I sorta think...hmmm...i wonder what might happen if I just push it? Just see what happens. Just go as fast as I can at what feels like threshold pace?

Then that little voice in my head crept in and said: but what if you blow up by the last 300? What if you get REALLY slow by the 150s...what if you really just muck up this workout because you go too HARD at the beginning??

I briefly considered the point. And hesitated for a second and then I thought: Well if I can't screw up a workout then what good IS a workout? SO WHAT if I start going slow. SO WHAT if I find myself at 2:05/100 for my last set. WHO CARES ANYWAY? Sure I wanted it to go well...but if I couldn't 'color outside the lines' a little bit i'd never find out where those lines were anyway. So I figured...just go for it. If i slow down over the course of the workout...at least i KNOW where I am...right? So I got to it...what MIGHT happen if I just WENT at what felt like threshold pace ...what might happen?

Basically...i threw down the workout.

After that first 300 where I was conservative at 2:00/100y the next 300s looked like this:
5:41(1:53/100)
5:36 (1:52/100)
5:33 (1:51/100)

Then I was into my 150s. That stupid voice came back in my head: well...ok...so you swam faster than what you thought you could hold...really...but i'm sure you might get tired on these 150s...you have to be tired by now? Right? I bet your time per 100y will slow down.

I think at this point I pretty much then said to that little voice: screw you

For the 3x150 they looked like this;
2:38 (1:45/100)
2:42 (1:48/100)
2:35(1:43/100)

I don't know what to say aside from: it was awesome. It felt awesome...it just felt so easy...It was an awesome way to end a pretty awesome day. Total breakthrough workout for me. I think i'm going to be smiling for days. :-)

Mental Game

Just don't think about your hip hurting...imagine it doesn't. It hurts partly because you think it will. ---advice from coach.

I've been told by people...more than once...i'm somewhat of a complex person. I usually think: who isn't? But I guess not everyone is complex or 'multifaceted'. I can't figure myself out most days so I don't expect other people to figure me out either. But sometimes I feel very duel in nature...and here is one area that I feel somewhat duel because while I love science and experimental evidence ect... that isn't the whole picture either. I've just run into a lot of people who expect that if one thinks that way a lot of the time that many times...they also expect them to behave that way and are a little taken aback by how emotional/spiritual/intuitive I can be also. It doesn't always make sense to some people. (It doesn't always make sense to me either) I'm ok with that.

So the mental game that is also important in sports...like dealing with a nagging injury that just won't go away...maybe just telling my body I am healthy will heal it...right? Coach told me to try it. And here is where my duel brain has a big old thrown down going on inside one side thinking:

What are you talking about...just WILL it better? Are you crazy you aren't doing anything to it! How can it get better?

And the other part thinks:of course you can will it better. Mind-body connection is more mysterious than any science project can figure out.

It can be interesting the weird fights my little brain can come up with but this happened to be the one for today. Not much else is working at this point with this injury so I might as well try this technique. So whenever my mind wandered to my hip on my run today I thought:

my psoas is getting longer, running makes my psoas happy.

Basically any positive thought about my hip...i thought. And well...it really wasn't irritated when I finished. Minor trigger point I've been releasing all day...but not too bad.

I've actually done this sort of mental gymnastics before. I was about 15 when I was on a ski trip where I was cold and had no opportunity to warm myself up and we weren't leaving anytime soon...so I just told myself: I'm warm. Think of a hot tub...YOUR FEET ARE HOT....warm, warm, warm. And I remember warming up. Some people are better trained in mental gymnastics like these Tibetan monks who can dry wet blankets with just their body heat or there are some yoga techniques where yogi's can slow their breathing down to ridiculously slow rates and low heart rates. It all seems crazy at first glance but really...how much do we really understand about how the body works or even how the mind controls the body?

In my opinion, I don't think we understand much at all. Knowing what I know about science, we know so little about much of anything in the physical world it really is amazing how much there is to KNOW and how little we really understand. Much of what we understand we only sorta understand and much of what we think we understand we are really taking a stab at. Much of the time it is only possible to disprove something, not actually prove it. I am more mystified by how much we don't know...and the fact that many people seem to think that science is one step away from unraveling the all the mysteries of the universe. It isn't.

The mind-body connection is quite mysterious and I know I over look it. And positive thinking, while sometimes seems cheezy to me, can actually do something...even though it doesn't feel like it should (at least to me).But I know the power of positive thought has gotten me through many situations that have been particularly difficult. And even through descending down a hill that has freaked me out where i've just told myself: I AM a good descender...and while it hasn't made me ease up as much on my brakes as I would really like, it has helped me relax a lot.

I have some challenges I am thinking about with the whole mental game...i'll post on those in a few. Till then...my psoas is not spasming...it is getting longer...it loves to run...running helps.

Riding 'round

Now that I think about it, I spent a fair amount of time in the saddle this weekend.

Bike Clinic
Saturday I decided to check out a bike clinic and see if I could gain some insight into developing more bike handling skills and fun stuff like that. I think SO much about bike handling is...well..not thinking about it. There are some things to think about, but if a person thinks too much about it...more likely than not one will fail while attempting to do it. We practiced picking up water bottles off of the ground and playing tag...on our bikes and other fun things...but many times I realized if I could just shut my mind off about the thought of: how does one do this? How do I do this? Will i tip over when I do it?...and just DO it...it is so much easier. Analytical skills do not come in handy here. I did pick up a handy tip on cornering though...LOOK where you want to go eventually. Look through the corner and your bike will go where you intend it to. I thought I was doing it, but at one point one instructor sorta yelled 'Look ahead' while it was my turn and I realized I wasn't doing it and once I did look ahead the cornering got SO much easier.

Women only ride
Sunday My LBS was sponsoring a women only ride and I thought I'd check it out since my friends were going to be there. I don't normally skip church to go on a bike ride, but these things can happen in the middle of January when its 80 degrees outside. Always fun to meet more women who enjoy riding so i thought it would be good time, and it was a lot of fun. It was a pretty chill ride which was great and I got to meet some fun women, but one of the thoughts that I kept realizing as we were climbing up hills and such...was around how fit I was for January. My HIM training started on Monday and the reality that I am as fit as I am right now as I start my base building is really amazing. I think my main two things this season I only worry about are: burnout and aggravating my psoas injury. If I can avoid both...this could be a really great racing year for me.

Track Sunday
And what would a weekend be without...the track? Sigh. It might become apparent that I could write a post every week about the track that basically just says: I love the track. And not much else. I basically would write: I love the track and post the same picture every time and well...it would pretty much get my point across...which is I love my bike AND the track. sigh. Ok...i incorporated a new picture...this one has PONY on my bike. She deserves her own post in all rightfulness...but PONY rocks pretty much. She came to Europe on my last trip with me (really she did!). Side note: she used to be a purse PONY but I swear she chewed through my purse strap on the trip and protested being in the purse. So now she just sits on my dresser...but I may have to find a new purse and see if she will tolerate a new purse or not. (If you haven't figured out by now, I have a penchant for silliness on a regular occasion).

Anyway, back to the track...sorry I get distracted easily. By the time I got there I was actually pretty tired. Between getting a 'baby cold', not sleeping well and then riding on Sunday morning I was pretty tired...but I still managed to get in about 15 miles on the track in total. Some nice paceline work, got dusted in a sprint and generally just enjoyed being out there...like I normally do.

Overall a great weekend, but I fear my baby cold is turning into a monster malaise. While the level of horrible coldness isn't that bad, I feel terrible. No energy at all. I would have left work at 1 today except I had an important meeting and now I am counting down the minutes til I can go to bed as I don't want to go to bed too early for fear then I'd just wake up at 2am and not sleep anymore. Oh YEA...i can go to bed now!! Excited.

Lots...

There has been lots going on in my little world this week. First week back after two weeks off and I discovered...my job must really stress me out. I don't know why. In all truth I don't have crazy deadlines right now and the topic of my job in general is not that big of a deal in the grand scheme of life...but well...the insomnia has crept back in. This is the type I hate (although there isn't one kind of insomnia I actually *like* though is there?). I can get to sleep fine, but my busy, busy mind wakes me up and no more sleeping from that point on. I picked up some homeopathic remedies, but also gave myself the rest of the week to see how I did. Only one episode. But still...i get the feeling there will be a repeat showing of this particular movie in the future. I'm not impressed.

Unfortunately I worry I have taken on too much in my life already and I am not even knee deep in every aspect of my life yet. I don't know what to dump or pull back on either...no do I want to...i just know it will all exhaust me especially with trying to balance it all with HIM training.

My HIM training started this week and I discovered: I need to plan time better. Everything was (so far) executed alright, but I always felt rushed. I had great plans of trying not to have too many evening workouts so that I can have some evenings free...alas...that works if I actually get to bed early enough (oh and no insomnia). Again a planning issue. I hope to get the hang of it with time.

Then...some stuff has recently turned into a situation where I have come to the realization that not everyone in life will get a gold star and a comment of: plays well with others. I'm particularly not fond of pedantic and patronizing attitudes. sigh...must.not.scream.

Lots of other insanity going on too...life can be just too bizarre at times.

One more thing...

UGH...triathlon sometimes just seems like: Just one more thing...one more gadget...one more piece of equipment...no wait ....time to replace the shoes/swimsuit/bike/whatever. Since I found myself with a coach a few weeks ago I have been introduced to the joys of Training Peaks. I cannot express how much i LOVE this beautiful piece of software. It is truly amazing. I am having a lot of fun with it. I can graph stuff...ohhhh...i'm in heaven. I am a data geek at heart. Probably why science has suited me so well for so long of my life. Granted it has lead to my current conundrum...How to analyze my current loads of data?

I bought a Garmin Forerunner 305 this summer and have enjoyed it. And while I do hoard data, love data...no, no...NO...wait...i need to emphasis this...I.LOVE.DATA...I like making graphs and all of that. What is sorta funny about me though is that I actually try to keep some (ok...granted it doesn't work too well..) of my WAY too analytical mind out of my training or should I say the analysis of my training. I had a love hate relationship with my experimental data in graduate school and since I took up endurance sports while in grad school...I actually tried to only observe my training data to a very small degree and not delve too deep into it. Basically hold it at arms reach. I always knew I could take another look at it. I knew I could analyze it to death and probably enjoy analyzing it...to a degree.. but I also knew that it could taint my training since I was having such a difficult time in grad school and much had to do with my experimental data in the lab. So in some ways since my early days of training I haven't really picked my data apart as much as I have the capacity to do.

Here is a bit of a confession of mine. Since buying my Garmin 305...i hadn't installed any software about my Garmin til...uh...uh...i got a coach a few weeks ago. I know, I know...here I have this very powerful training tool and really all I was using it for was distance and speed and HR. That's all I really wanted it for so it was doing its job...and my training had its own set of hurdles last year between injury and the reality that I came (very) close to breaking up with triathlon... so I really wasn't that fussed about the tool in itself.

Now here is my conundrum...the Garmin came with one piece of software and then there is another piece of software that Training Peaks also lets people use for free. From my scientific perspective...they both suck. BIG.TIME. I can't chop off parts of what is recorded unless I had hit the lap button...and well...i'm a smartie in general or a better word really would be...space cadet...and like today I forgot to turn off the stupid thing from my cool down and into my car and my drive home. So now during my run it show that I hit 65mph...yes...if that were the case it would would be a justifiable reason have the moniker 'rocketpants' :-P

Ugh...so it comes back to the whole "just one more thing"...I realized on the Training Peaks website there IS a software package that would allow me to analyze my data to DEATH. WKO+
a quick little tour of the software made me salivate. (Anyone out there use it? Thoughts?) BUT...here is the thing...it's just one more thing. This desire to acquire this software also competed with me thinking back to the day when I spent my first two racing seasons on an early '80s


(a picture of the beloved bike before I sold him)
racing bike with down tube friction shifters (that frequently stopped working...especially during a race and then i'd have only my front two chain rings)that I had found at a pawn shop for 75 bucks when I was an undergrad. I'm kinda sad that I parted with him before I left MA...even though he actually was too big for me.

Sometimes I look back on those first two seasons of training and have a few reactions. One is pure laughter at myself and the stupid things I did unwittingly or even just how 'green' I was when it came to endurance sports and no concept of really any part of it. (Coming into my first sprint race I wasn't sure if I was I going to survive exercising for1.5 to 2 straight hours without falling over and bonking or something if my heart rate went too high for too long. And I had followed a 10 week training plan for beginners...to the T. My UTTER concern makes me laugh now...but I was very concerned about this when I was doing my first race.) But in some ways those first few years were pretty simple. I was a poor...poor grad student and I couldn't race too much because I couldn't afford to...I didn't have much gear unless I had been given it for my birthday or Christmas (aside from shoes)...so for quite a few seasons it was all pretty simple gear wise. I didn't even own a wetsuit until my fifth season...and that was this last summer when I bought one, since I now am not a dirt poor grad student.

Triathlon can just get so complicated some times. I think that is why I fundamentally love riding the velodrome so much. While I'm not terribly fast, or strong, and I really don't have any aspirations to ever race ...riding a track bike on a track is just SO simple and to be honest...quite beautiful because it is so simple. One gear. Want to go faster? Pedal faster or apply more pressure to those pedals. (or get a different gear ratio)...but at the heart of it...it is just so simple. Somehow that speaks to me.

It doesn't mean that I won't salivate over the potential to get some new fangled software or contemplate a new piece of equipment, or drool over every bike when I go to a bike shop... but it is also good to remind myself regularly that sometimes keeping it simple IS equally important.


I think Thoreau was on to something: Simplify, Simplify, Simplify.