good, good, good

Good stuff going on.

1) I did some yoga this morning
2) I went to a yoga class BEFORE going in for work (i've been struggling with getting my AM work outs done which is better for me generally)
3) I have been asked to do a phone interview for a job i might be well suited for.
4) The bottom still hasn't fallen out of research...good.

I was talking to a friend about the saying 'back in the saddle' and I would like to say that's where I am with my training and balance on life. But in all truth it's more like I'm in the same corral as the horse-y. I'm not quite 'back in the saddle'. But one day at a time...one day at a time.

This all has been an interesting lesson as I've realized that some times in life when things in my life have blow to pieces (as they have in my life over the past few months) and my training has basically gone down the tubes, I've discovered that there are times when it is easy to just JUMP back into the mix of it all and into the ol' training routine. But at other times (like this experience for myself) I've learned that I just have to dust myself off and give myself some time to get back to the actual 'saddle' (i.e. my regular schedule)... Recently, I've been learning how to get back into a schedule piece by piece. I've had to learn how not to get uber frustrated with myself when I just don't have the energy to dedicate to focusing on jumping into the mix of training with my life/research making me crazy at the moment. It is possible to get back into the swing of my training little by little, and that has been a valuable lesson. I will get there. I know it. It may take some time, but hey that's OK. Sometimes the person in my life I am the hardest on is myself. I am learning how to give myself space when that is really what I need while working towards getting back into it all. In time...it will happen...i know it.

going positively

Amazing...really...really...amazing...things are going positively. I won't say things are going 'well' as we aren't there yet and have a long time to get to 'well' but things have taking a nice up swing.

1) I rode my trainer for 25 mins today even when I really...really...REALLY wanted not to as I got home at 930pm and hadn't had dinner yet. But i persevered. And i'm happier with those extra endorphins in me.

2) Today I expanded some of my experiments from Friday and guess what...i have this amazingly sharp curve that is SOOOOOOOOO reproducible I almost fell over. (no idea what it means yet...that's a ways to go...but i'll take reproducible curves with small error bars please, hence why things are just positive...cautiously so...ok i'm gun shy and I can't say things are going awesome when I fear it will all come crashing down the minute I think that...soooo I'll just say things are going positively.)

Keep crossing those fingers, toes, arms and legs. This girl might *actually* graduate WITH the project she started with. It was discussed last week bagging my project...(that's a horror movie for a 5th year graduate student or beyond...To TOTALLY scrap what you have been doing for 4 years...even when you are crazy and frustrated that it won't work, the thought seems like a freak show...but it doesn't look like it will come to that) .

Sweet...4 out of 5 days of exercise and lab actually not trying to kill me. Pinch me quick.

success

I managed 20 mins on the trainer today...yea...3 out of 4 days.

i'll cheer every chance I get :-)

Now tomorrow...plan is to try out the ol' morning work out at the gym.

bit by bit

So...unfortunately my big 'declaration' from thursday went bust on Friday. But Friday was a day that was uber insane and I just had to say 'OK'...it didn't happen let's move on. Due to a doctor's apt, a job prospect call during lunch and working rather late...i just had to give myself some grace and move forward. Now today...i was making EVERY excuse imaginable not to do something when it justifiable....and I over came my hurdle in the end....i succeeded in 20mins on the trainer. Tis good. I'll come around...i do know it. Life will right itself and I'll come around. Til then...

bit...by...bit

Pretty Please

They say "it's always darkest before the dawn". It's been rather dark lately in the lab. Infuriatingly so. BUT I think I see a ray of the dawn. I just made my first graph and it looks gooooooooooood. I still have to reproduce it and do a bunch of other things, but if the graph is reproducible then start singing "HERE COME'S THE SUN...dooodle doooodle....it's all right....do, do do, do do do, do, do do"

I'm holding my breath...not singing quite yet. It's a little early for that.

Fingers and toes crossed.

pieces

I am trying to pick up the pieces of my existence that have exploded catastrophically over the past 2 months. At the moment, I’m not so sure I can actually pick them up, I think I need to focus on getting up myself and then work on picking them up. This “explosion” has dramatically affected my well being in the realm of training, Hence over the past few weeks my actual workouts have been declining to a low/barely existent amount. SO…I have decided to go back to the basics and start there until I can get my head around life. For this week any thoughts of a schedule and amounts of whatever are tossed out the window. Everything else in my life is too much, I have decided that I can’t let my workouts be overwhelming too.

Here is the new plan that friend suggested: Just. Twenty. Minutes. That’s it…twenty minutes of: running, spinning, swimming, or walking. I’ve been debating whether or not yoga counts (I’m leaning towards a no…but maybe *this* week it’ll be a yes and then if I am still on a twenty minute focus as of next Thursday, yoga will still need to be done, but it won’t ‘count’ towards my twenty minutes).

Here’s the plan for the next 7 days (including today) 20 minutes of something. That’s all. No pressure. If I want to do more…I’m more than welcomed to. Less is not optional. I can mix things like running and walking if I feel like it.

Today was successful: 30:33 minutes of running. I found myself at the track in the middle of my run and although I know I don’t have the base to be doing any silly track repeats I had an itching to do at least one 400 for fun.

My 1x400 1:33

Who knows if I’d ever be able to string two of those together, but I enjoy dreaming that one day I might be able to. Dreams are encouraging.

Tomorrow’s plan: AM 20 min spin. If that doesn’t work…lunch 20 min walk.

Care and feeding

The care and feeding of a graduate student:

1)Always have enough coffee, chocolate, and tissues on hand for ANY given moment. You may need to use all three...and well if that's the case, better duck for cover.

2) We all know you *mean* the best when you ask "When are you going to graduate?"...but really, the way to show that graduate student you care for them...is to stay away from that silly question. Well that is if you value your life. (And any suggestions on how to tactfully respond to that question? My gut instinct is to say something rather nasty, some how i've kept it under wraps....at least for the moment. Tears usually get people to stop asking) And in all truth this question just rubs salt in the wounds...which there are a lot of. Be sensitive.

3) Asking "What are you going to do when you are done?" or "Aren't you supposed to go to (fill in the blank) conference?" falls into the same category as number two. Back off.

4) Random cheering, encouragement and chocolate (see number 1) is always appreciated.

5) Nothing is 'intutively obvious'...trust me.

6) Just because it falls into the 'you did this during your 'freshman year lab' category does not mean the answer is/should be easy or is non-trivial. Especially when no one can explain WHY it doesn't work. Funny..ha.ha.ha...SOOO not laughing. Saying things like this are actually mean.

7) Resistentialism is alive and well. There is even some scientific proof to back it up.

Resistentialism (ri-zis-TEN-shul-iz-um) noun
The theory that inanimate objects demonstrate hostile behavior against us.

8) Endurance is not just needed for a triathlon.

9) Actually grad school is more like water torture. drip....drip....drip. Little things add up.

10) A person's brain is finite. A grad student can only cram so much inside that little brain of his or hers. Don't be too offended if important information like your birthday got discarded. In all truth all that really means that the grad student has also lost LOADS of other crucial information like: their name, their phone number, their address, what day it is, when they showered last, when they ate last, or even your name. Be nice...one day they will regain that information...we all hope at least.

stuck

Sometimes in life you just find yourself stuck. I am stuck. And it seems that all the old 'tricks' to mitigate the sticky factor have stopped working. You know...exercise, chocolate, coffee, discussion, talk, more talk, really whatever. I've lost perspective. How does one gain perspective when one has lost perspective? I was told today that this...this...personal stuck-ness has to stop.

And my IT bands hurt like no body's business. I think it is related to the stuck-ness of the situation.

I am stuck.

Here we go again

It's another year. Maybe I should reflect on the last one...and look to the next one? Hmmm...not sure if I'm able to at the moment. I've thought about the upcoming year...resolutions...lalala. But as I think about them, they really, still come down to my four goals I posted at the beginning of Dec.
1) Graduate
2) Run faster
3) Weight loss
4) Swim more

I've added another one...more 'life' around me focused.

5) De-clutter my life.

I am a clutter bug. I need to re-organize, get rid of all the paper junk in my room, and somehow wade through my office space. Arg.

2007 looks to be shaping up as an interesting year. I might just finish the big book (aka stupid dissertation) by Aug...or Dec. Run a marathon in Oct. And a myriad of other things.

Weird... it's a new year. And as I start out this new year, I have realized I have just 13 short weeks til my first A/B race...a 1/2 marathon, on April 1st. Yikes...time to get back in the groove.

Books...Books...Books

Well Spence tagged me in an interesting Book game...Anyway, you are supposed to

1. Find the nearest book.
2. Name the book & the author.
3. Turn to page 123.
4. Go to the fifth sentence on the page. Copy out the next three sentences and post to your blog.
5. Tag three more folks.

The thing I found funny about this game was there really wasn't ONE nearest book to where I am(as I sit in my bed with my laptop on my lap)...it was more like 6 nearest books as I seem to 'nest' with books. It's a habit I started in undergrad I think, I tried out that learning by osmosis thing, since I frequently fell asleep while studying with my O-chem book (who didn't) or some other book. Anyway, as I tried to pick ONE book, i found that the mixture of all six was such a funny snapshot of me which gave me a smile. These were the six books in my 'nest' at the moment.
Marathoning for Mortals by John Bingham and Jenny Hadfield
Life Together by Dietrich Bonhoeffer
The Pursuit of God by A.W. Tozer
She's such a Geek! : Women write about science technology and other nerdy stuff. Ed. Analee Newitz and Charlie Anders
The Bible NASB version
Contagion by Robin Cook

So I will pick Marathoning for Mortals as my book to pick 3 sentences from...as it deals with injury prevention and that is good for all of us.
"But through the experience, I cam to understand the value of physical therapy. After the race, I spent 2 months healing and 4 months building strength. Thanks to the help of Alex McKinna physical therapist, I walked away from the experience a better athlete and coach."


So...now I will tagg 'Zilla, Joe, and Matt

Have fun!