The Wall

I didn't see it coming.

I wasn't prepared for what it held.

It came out of nowhere.

There is indeed a wall on that track I run...

The plan on Tuesday was for a 4x800 track workout. The goal to run each 800 under 3:40 and retain my focus.

1st 800: 3:28 (those fast thoughts did seem to pay off)
2nd 800: 3:33 (going well, must retain focus for 3rd set)

Next 400...focus on letting go of thoughts. My body is telling me it hurts, I acknowledge how it feels but don't let stopping be an option. Breathing hard I know I have it in me. No negative self talk. Trying to lose my thoughts.

I'm on the last 50 and something 'happens'. It's not a matter of my mind/body saying it 'can't finish this' because it's merely whining...it is as if a wall has been placed in front of me and there is no argument about it...I am done.

I stop, admittedly, slightly confused I try to figure out what's just happened and emotionally/physically/mentally I am broken down. It's like hidden emotions come spilling out...onto the track. I take inventory and realize there is no way this workout is going to be finished. I cool down and try to piece myself together.

It was so strange, and being the forever analyzer I attempted to figure myself out. But there was no figuring out what 'happened'...it just did. It's those hidden emotions, ever wonder where they go? Well now I know that they can show up when you aren't expecting them. But i'm learning to let go of the experience and of what it held. Sometimes we can’t always ‘figure out’ what is going on underneath, we must more acknowledge that it is happening, accept that it is what it is, not judge the event and most importantly move on. It took a little evaluation, acknowledged what happened and in the meantime I’ve learned I must keep moving.