I am a triathlete*

Here is an interesting experiment...i just got an ipad...so let's see how this turns out. I had some trouble with a different blogging situation with my ipad so maybe this will work. Granted I can't find how to actually link to anything at the moment, so we will see.

The point of this post has nothing to do with the ipad though. It's that weird dilemma I am in right now with my 'training' or just in general because I am...well...not training. I'm doing a whole lotta yoga...but that's about it. I didn't really write about it, but about 6 weeks ago I had a sports med doctor give me the 'overtraining syndrome' diagnosis...which doesn't make any sense in the grand scope of things. At the same time I have spent a lot of time this spring educating the medical community in my life about how to treat me.

For some reason i get a little irked when I am TELLING my doctor what is wrong with me. Donno...i'm a doctor but not THAT kind. I mean...seriously. Why did my insurance just pay you 200 dollars for me to both educate you as well as tell me what I thought you were going to tell me: a whole lotta BS or a crap diagnosis of a way to say: we don't know what the eff is wrong with you. Sorry.

My other diagnosis is around fluid in my ears and allergies. That...after too many blood tests to count and even a chest x-ray in there for fun. To say I'm less than impressed with doctors at the moment would be a gross understatement.

Truly this whole 'overtraining syndrome' diagnosis/allergies is its own post in itself. So back to regularly scheduled blog post.

I was talking to someone last week in yoga about how stiff in general I am and I said something weird like: um...cuz i'm a triathlete. In my head I'm thinking really? I feel like it needs an asterisk next to it explaining: yea i'm not 100% healthy right now...no i'm not training for anything...yea nothing is on the books. I don't really feel like a triathlete right now. I see people post pictures of triathlons and talk about their up and coming race and I sit and reflect on my season and well I just sold my SDIT bib and have no other triathlons on the book for the season. In all honesty I don't know how to *feel* about it.

Some people think that as long as you have done one triathlon for the season then you can call yourself a triathlete. Well...i've done ONE and then DNS another one. So I've *paid* for 2...actually if you count how little I got back from IMCDA i've paid mostly for 3 and oh yea, and I have 50% of Wildflower waiting for me for next year too...so as far as my pocket book cares I am a triathlete but this is sort of weird territory for the moment.

Last weekend I went for a GREAT bike ride with Lisa where for once I didn't feel like for once I was going to die on a 2 hour bike ride. And I had a reasonable week, but then I woke up on Friday feeling ROTTEN. Two steps forward...one step back it seems like at the moment.

"Well life is both a major and a minor key" --Travis

The funny thing about this whole 'overtraining syndrome' is that there is a huge mental component to it where I have a bad case of the 'i don't wannas'. So the reality is I have to just...wait. Wait until I WANT the schedule and the training. I don't love yoga...see my previous posts on that one, but I'm learning to just *do* it and fortunately I have a friend who does keep me reasonably accountable to doing it so that is helpful.

But most of all i get the feeling this summer will be a lot about just discovering new stuff about myself and myself as an athlete. What does it mean to not be a triathlete but do other things? How do I stay 'healthy' when I'm not trying to train 10 hours a week? Will I ever find that shift in myself again where I will thrive on the schedule like I used to? Will my body ever come back to the middle where i will stop worrying about it freaking out on me over nothing? (like me getting sick this week was possibly related to eating pizza.) I feel like I have an overly sensitive system at the moment and well...i have no choice but to listen because when I don't I end up very unhappy.

So...learning to have patience and just *be*. Easy to say and some days easy to do. This week was filled with days that were not easy. Hopefully next week will be easier to embrace.